My Darling Diana Is Gone Options

[Ann T]

My name is Ann. On November 7th, just after 11 AM. my dearettt darling Diana left my life. She had developed multiple complications after a dental extraction the week before. She weighed next to nothing, each bone in her body stuck out so badly. She had an infection, slight diarea and was having trouble breathing. Her blood sugar was so low that she could no longer see,and she was so weak she could not even hold up her head or stand or walk. She was sixteen and a half, and I had her for all but the first four to eight weeks of her life. She was a rescued stray kitten, came out from under a neighbor's mobile home.

I'm on my second day without her, and I don't know how I'm going to stand this. She is the first cat I have ever had to put to sleep. I know that putting her to sleep was the right thing to do for her, but there is a part of me that wonders if I'd just let them hospitalize her just one night, what might have happened, though the vet was not at all optimistic about any improvements.

Diana hated the vets, was terified of all strangers, in fact, and that was part of my decision. We lived so far away from the vet and hospital out here in the country that I jus couldn't stand the thought of her dying alone in the hospital or with no one but strange people to touch her.

There is a part of me that wishes I'd never put her through that dental extraction surgery, though her tooth was so badly broken and had been infected. This is where the infection spread from, the vet believed, but I can't help feeling that it caused her death. We had to go pick her up from that surgery in the middle of the flying snow from hurricane Sandy, and had to bring her back to a home with no power or hot water for five days.

The house is so quiet without her meow or following me around. I have another cat, my nephew's cat, and I love him deeply. But, he has never been a very affectionate lapcat, and my Diana was the queen of lapcats. As I type this, I can remember the many times she pushed her way between me and my keyboard to claim my lap for herself.

I just don't know how I'm going to get through this. My first morning waking up without her either snuggling under the covers with me or meowing at my door without her yesterday was bad, but coming home earlier today from my first grocery trip without having to buy her favorite kitty treats or having her stick her nose in to my grocery bags to inspect them was harder still.

Is crying every few minutes normal? It's supposed to make you feel better, isn't it? But, all I"m getting out of it is a sore nose and a headache.

I used to call her "angel girl", and though I'm not too religious just spiritual, i Hope she is with them now. I hope she is with my last cat, my Elizabeth, who died when she was three years old July 26, 1999. I hope maybe my two Grandma's who have passed on are looking after her, too. They both loved cats.

Thanks everyone for listening. I guess i have more to say, but I just can't do it right now.

[LynnMiller]

Dear Ann,

I definatly think you made the right choice. Sometimes hard for us to see that and others can see it better. I am so sorry for your loss. When you mentioned your kitty would nose around in the grocery bags it togged at my heart. My Lucymae who died on 10/1012 at around 2pm did the same thing.

There is no wrong way to grieve. They say tears are healing. I would like to believe your kitty and my dog Lucymae are up in heaven having a great time.

Once again I am so sorry for your loss. The pain is unbearable at times, I know.

Lynn