My Darling Diana Is Gone Options

[Ann T]

My name is Ann. On November 7th, just after 11 AM. my dearettt darling Diana left my life. She had developed multiple complications after a dental extraction the week before. She weighed next to nothing, each bone in her body stuck out so badly. She had an infection, slight diarea and was having trouble breathing. Her blood sugar was so low that she could no longer see,and she was so weak she could not even hold up her head or stand or walk. She was sixteen and a half, and I had her for all but the first four to eight weeks of her life. She was a rescued stray kitten, came out from under a neighbor's mobile home.

I'm on my second day without her, and I don't know how I'm going to stand this. She is the first cat I have ever had to put to sleep. I know that putting her to sleep was the right thing to do for her, but there is a part of me that wonders if I'd just let them hospitalize her just one night, what might have happened, though the vet was not at all optimistic about any improvements.

Diana hated the vets, was terified of all strangers, in fact, and that was part of my decision. We lived so far away from the vet and hospital out here in the country that I jus couldn't stand the thought of her dying alone in the hospital or with no one but strange people to touch her.

There is a part of me that wishes I'd never put her through that dental extraction surgery, though her tooth was so badly broken and had been infected. This is where the infection spread from, the vet believed, but I can't help feeling that it caused her death. We had to go pick her up from that surgery in the middle of the flying snow from hurricane Sandy, and had to bring her back to a home with no power or hot water for five days.

The house is so quiet without her meow or following me around. I have another cat, my nephew's cat, and I love him deeply. But, he has never been a very affectionate lapcat, and my Diana was the queen of lapcats. As I type this, I can remember the many times she pushed her way between me and my keyboard to claim my lap for herself.

I just don't know how I'm going to get through this. My first morning waking up without her either snuggling under the covers with me or meowing at my door without her yesterday was bad, but coming home earlier today from my first grocery trip without having to buy her favorite kitty treats or having her stick her nose in to my grocery bags to inspect them was harder still.

Is crying every few minutes normal? It's supposed to make you feel better, isn't it? But, all I"m getting out of it is a sore nose and a headache.

I used to call her "angel girl", and though I'm not too religious just spiritual, i Hope she is with them now. I hope she is with my last cat, my Elizabeth, who died when she was three years old July 26, 1999. I hope maybe my two Grandma's who have passed on are looking after her, too. They both loved cats.

Thanks everyone for listening. I guess i have more to say, but I just can't do it right now.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Ann, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Diana. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness of the company of the angels.

Ann, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences we will know on this side of eternity. It is filled with many different emotions that normally overwhelm us all at one time - - it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. This grief journey is one of adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved Diana, and it is a very painful journey both emotionally and physically. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your own time. It is a journey that will not be reconciled in an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the "first withouts" and the "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure - - and your heart will break anew.

But I promise you, Ann, this is a journey you do not make alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Unfortunately we are mere mortals, Ann - - we do not possess the "wisdom" of foreknowledge - - only with what comes with hindsight. You had not idea that the surgery for tooth extraction would have such a tragic effect on your beloved Diana. Sadly, infections can overwhelm our companion's immune system, no matter how valiant the efforts are to treat and battle the infection. You did everything in your power to provide your beloved Diana a happy and healthy earthly journey, and your beloved Diana KNOWS that you love her with all your heart.

Also, Ann, please let me try to reassure you that the physical symptoms you are feeling from the stress of grieving are very normal. Although crying is very healthy, it can also leave us with headaches, facial pain, etc.. During the deep grief, our physical bodies literally go into a "survival mode". Because of the stress of grief our immune systems also can become easily compromised, so it is vitally important that you try to get plenty of rest and as much nutrition as you possibly can tolerate at this time.

The good news in the midst of all this terrible grief pain is that the love bond you and your beloved Diana share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Diana continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will. She is always and forever a part of your heart and your memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart, Ann. I can only hope the words I share will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief journey.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Diana with us, Ann. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of her with us, but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam