My Sweet Wolfie Is Gone And I'm Devastated Options

[Kellyt]

My approx 6 yr old shepherd husky mix, Wolfie, died unexpectedly today. I took him to a state of the art 24 hr emergency vet, and despite numerous tests and ultrasounds, they missed diagnosing what wound up killing him-pancreatitis. My husband and I cannot believe that they didn't catch it sooner. There was talk of leptospirosis and liver cancer, as his enzymes were through the roof, but an ultrasound revealed gallbladder issues. Wolfie went in to surgery, and we were very cautiously optimistic, as the vet did say there could be infection complications bc he had bile in his abdomen.
Fast forward two hours, and we get a call that Wolfie took a turn for the worse and his heart stopped during surgery. We race there, in the middle of an impending hurricane, to find out he was gone. GONE. All due to a heart arrhythmia brought on by complications from pancreatitis. We were shocked and stunned. Pancreatitis was never mentioned, despite all the blood test and ultrasounds. Not once!
So now,needless to say, we are devastated. Our boy is gone. We weren't able to have children, so he's our baby. Everything I do, smell, see, and touch reminds me of him. To think of a future without him takes my breath away. I plan on going to a support group, but in the meantime, we're here, left to struggle with our shock and grief at losing the most gentle, sweet, funny, beautiful creature. We were so blessed to have him in our lives, but we feel cheated bc we didn't have more time with him, and bc he didn't have the long life he so deserved.

[Kellyt]

Pippin's Mom Kel,
I truly cannot thank you enough for your reply. Thank you for taking the time you did to address each concern and feeling of regret or guilt. As you know, this experience is traumatic and can be very, very lonely, even if others in your life are grieving the loss too. Your replies help me feel a measure of validation and peace and help ease the loneliness (as all the replies do), and while I am overwhelmed by grief and pain, I am also overwhelmed by gratitude.
I hope to get to a point where I can begin to let go of the guilt. As you so wisely wrote, I did the best I could with what I knew. He wasn't showing any signs of illness before other than the very occasional bout of diarrhea, and we always thought it was just a blip, that he had sensitive stomach, as it would typically happen once and then get better. I think what helps the most is if we had a clue that something may have been brewing (but I do believe that this was more a case of acute pancreatitis) of course we would have done anything and everything to help him. If we thought in any way that this could be fatal, I would have done ANYTHING to help him. Anything. I have to believe he knows that. Thank you for sharing your extensive medical knowledge too. I shared your thoughts with my husband and they brought him some relief as well.
Your thoughts about it being somehow easier to blame ourselves for the sudden loss rather than come to terms with the fact that sometimes tragic and awful things happen that are out of our control are very thought provoking. I never viewed things that way, but it makes sense. Total sense. I so appreciate your viewpoint.
Please send good thoughts my way as I venture out to work tomorrow. I love teaching fifth grade, but it is draining on the very best of days. I'm scared, but will try to take baby steps for now.
In deepest gratitude,
Kelly