Heart Break . . . The Worst Kind Of Pain Options

[Treebyrd]

I would gladly accept physical pain of any kind over heartbreak. There are no pain killers for emotional pain. I feel that hurting myself (punching a wall, banging my head against a wall, etc.) . . . . would be a welcome distraction from the pain inside.

I lost my big, beautiful, red Bloodhound, my buddy, my friend, my gentle giant, my 5 year old baby....... 5 weeks ago. There are no words to describe what he meant to me and no words to describe the pain. There were no signs of anything being wrong. He was happy, healthy, up to date on all vaccinations, heart worm preventative, routine check ups. Nothing to indicate there was any kind of issue. I left Friday night July 6, for a family reunion in Rockford, IL, I was to return Sunday July 8, early evening. Silas passed sometime Saturday the 7th. I wasn't told until Sunday after my husband and son buried him. No body was looking forward to giving me that news so they waited until they knew the reunion was over and I was getting ready to come home. This was all done compassionately and gently. I wish however, that I could have had a necropsy performed to determine what happened. I am so distraught by his death but can't get past the what happened. It was extremely hot that weekend but I had to two swimming pools and three tubs of water with the water hose running into one of the pools. There was no sign that he struggled with stomach issues. No diarrhea, no vomiting. My sister was at my house refreshing their water at 8:00 a.m. Saturday. My husband was home and actually saw him playing about 6:00 a.m. Saturday. My sister doesn't remember seeing him when she gave them fresh water. This is very odd because they are in a fenced yard and he usually is right there when the water hose is on to stick his nose in the fresh tub of water. My husband left for the day to go take care of cattle and no one returned to the house until about 9:00 p.m. when they found Silas laying on his side, feet out, head in a normal position, mouth and eyes closed. Like he just laid down and went to sleep. Due to the condition of the body, the guess is that he had passed very early in the day which again tells me that it couldn't have been heat related. I have searched and researched, talked to vets, justanswer.com, medvet.com, ask a vet websites. The obvious answer is that there is no way to know for sure with out having done a necropsy. Possibly bloat or maybe cardiomyopathy or even anyurism. I left for basically one day 1:30 p.m Friday - 2:00 p.m Sunday and he's gone. Why did it happen on the day I was gone? What happened? Why did I not just skip the reunion . . . I thought about it numerous times but it was for just one day so I went and Silas died. I did (as I do every time I leave) tell all my puppy dogs and kitties goodbye. I give them big hugs. I did so this time but I don't feel like I spent enough time saying goodbye considering what happened. I do and I don't want to know if he suffered or if it was instant. I have so many unanswered questions and so confused. I don't expect answers, unless someone might have had a similar experience with their dog. I just felt like I might feel better if I put my feelings and story in writing. Not Yet . . . but maybe soon.

Thanks!

[Treebyrd]

Hi Ginger..... Sometimes I think it's getting easier but then I hit a wall again. I've not been the same since loosing Silas. I feel like everything is gray. There is no color in the world. The things I use to love ...I find no pleasure in. I really don't want to do anything and don't really want anyone around. I'm absorbed in my loss. What makes it even harder is....i only have a few days left with my 14 yr. old basset hound. Hes stopped eating so i know time is running out for us. But, I've lost before and I've gotten to the other side of my grief so I know it will get better.

I got Silas 5 years ago because I lost my cat Bandit. I hired a girl with a scent dog to come do a search for Bandit. We didn't find Bandit but I decided then tha I wanted to help find missing cats and dogs. Silas found his first missing kitty when he was 10 months old. He learned so fast and he was good. We had such an enormously strong bond. I love and miss him so much!!!! But, loosing Bandit brought me Silas so I have to believe there will be something good that will come from my losses.

There are some great websites for missing pet help. There is also a great missing pet support group on yahoo. There is always hope when a pet goes missing. Don't take the word of one animal communicator be ause it may cause you to give up. There are lots of resources for missing pets. I found one of my kitties 6 weeks after he went missing and two miles from home. Another one went missing several years later and I found her this past summer ( three years later ) in my subdivision. This was after posting big signs for 4 months,sending out flyers through the mail, going door to door, hiring findingtoto.com, etc. I just happened to be out running at just the right time to see her. She had on acollarwith a tag with someone else's phone number on it. There's hope.

Treebyrd