I Miss My Girl., Horrible grief over decision to put to sleep. Options

[Lindsey]

I had my Penny girl put to sleep last Thursday. I am profoundly grieving for her. Much more than I ever thought I would be. Her health started declining at the beginning of August and it went so quickly. The first diagnosis was a Vestibular Event and then a few days later she had a seizure. She was then diagnosed with Canine Cognitive Disorder and a probable brain tumor. Due to her age, we opted not to do an MRI. We put her on Anipryl and saw some positive results. I woke up at 5:30 that day and found her in the middle of a horrible seizure. I don't know when it started but it continued for 30 minutes after I got in the floor with her. She was not able to get up after it like she had the others. I woke up my husband and told him it was time. We took her in about an hour later. Our vet made me step back when he was proceeding to give her the medicine (I think more for my sake) because I really thought I was going to try and grab her off the table. It happened so fast. Once he got it in I was able to hold her and within seconds she was gone. I stayed with her for a few minutes afterward and she looked so peaceful - better than I had seen her look in weeks.

I'm grateful that I had a few weeks to really love on her and tell her how much she meant to me. I feel like I will never be able to move past the guilt that I killed her

[Lindsey]

Ginger,

Thank you for the kind words. It always helps me to read others stories - the love for our animals is amazing! I have been dreaming about her the past few nights. Her silly face in my face giving slobbery kisses. I think it really is her way of saying "Hey mom! I'm here!" I miss her terribly and I think I'm more or less back in denial but at least it gets me through the day

Today is our other dog's 9th birthday. It's the first birthday he has had without Penny. We celebrated yesterday with a trip to PetSmart to pick out new toys. Since he was diagnosed with Pancreatitis in September he cannot eat much other than his prescription dog food so we haven't been able to spoil him much (birthdays at our house normally mean some sort of special food!) I kept thinking today would be so hard but it's really been tolerable. I miss her jumping around during the happy birthday song but I bet she found a way to annoy brother today

I am praying for your Henry - that he makes it home to you or that his passing was peaceful. I think the pain of not knowing is worse than not. I had a cat growing up that stayed with my parents when I went to college. She was old and went out one morning and never came back. I still wonder about her from time to time. We have a cat now that showed up about a week before Penny got sick. She was very thin but it was clear she had been someone's house cat and had been loved. We spent several weeks looking for her owners and haven't been able to find them so she's queen of our house now. I always wonder if someone is missing her and I pray that they aren't or we'll find them and she can go home. I like to think God sent her to me because he knew how much Penny's passing would hurt.

I too hope you are having a better day today,
Lindsey