Not Knowing, how do you deal witht the pain? Options

[carolk]

Think I'm about half crazy over my missing cat --Sassy Butt. Here on my bed one minutes with legs in the air and me rubbing her tummy and poof gone not a trace-nothing. It is the most despictable kind of grief-it tears your heart out inch by inch and for good measure kicks you in the stomach again and again. Ive been over our land again and again looking in sheds, barn, cubbyhole, old chicken house-nothing. She never went very far from the house and was easily frightened so its unlikely she would even be in some of the places I look but feel obessed to keep searching.

I had a very bad year in 2009 and she was my comfort and soulmate. I called her my healing kitty-she helped me heal from such bad depression-just running my fingers over her beautiful face was so soothing and peaceful. I cant even grasped the fact that iI cant do that again. My god, its like a nightmare that you cant wake up from.

We live in rural Oklahoma where cats (and dogs) are disposable-no one cares much about them and we dont have close nieghbors-besides she was a stay at home gal-never far from me or the other cats. She might show up but its doubtful-just not her nature to stray.

Thanks for listening. I just need to post to share the pain and thank you for taking the time to read this-Iknow you understand what Im writing about. An unresolved outcome is the very hardest to deal with as I have no closure-just this open ended hole that never heals. I know in time, the turmoil will lessen and life goes on but darn, to know it's without my Sassy is so sad. I loved her 100% and then some.

A very saddened lady
Carolk

[gsnap75]

I too feel your pain - I lost my precious Henry on August 20th - it's coming up on 2 months and I have been desperate with grief. I was moving out of my apartment and he was scared and got loose from my arms and ran - I tried to catch him, but he was gone - I have spent every day searching for him and spent tons of money on different services and products in my efforts to find him - but he is still missing. It has been the most gut-wrenching experience of my life - Henry was my sweet, gentle baby boy - he was so precious, kind to all my other kitties, had this sweet little face and meow - and thinking of him being out there, afraid, alone, hungry, hurt, etc. - it is a living hell. I literally had a breakdown and could barely function. I am doing a bit better now, but my pain is still there and I still think of him every minute of every day. I feel like I abandoned him. I just want to scream to the heavens - WHY!!??!?!?

I spoke to an animal communicator who told me he has passed - I believe her, but also know it's not 100% verified. Not knowing is the worst pain - and not being there with him to protect him, love and comfort him - it's unbearable. Knowing I will likely never see him again - it's a pain I've never experienced - there is no closure, only pain and grief. I pray it gets better and that I am able to make some sense of it or come to peace with it, but in the meantime, my heart is broken. I miss my baby so much and my soul literally aches - I feel like I've been gutted. It's my worst nightmare and a truly a living hell.

Sorry to be so negative - I know everyone who has been through this understands, and I'm glad to be here to share and let other people know they are not alone either.

Bless everyone on here and their babies ~

Gsnap75