I Miss My Girl., Horrible grief over decision to put to sleep. Options

[Lindsey]

I had my Penny girl put to sleep last Thursday. I am profoundly grieving for her. Much more than I ever thought I would be. Her health started declining at the beginning of August and it went so quickly. The first diagnosis was a Vestibular Event and then a few days later she had a seizure. She was then diagnosed with Canine Cognitive Disorder and a probable brain tumor. Due to her age, we opted not to do an MRI. We put her on Anipryl and saw some positive results. I woke up at 5:30 that day and found her in the middle of a horrible seizure. I don't know when it started but it continued for 30 minutes after I got in the floor with her. She was not able to get up after it like she had the others. I woke up my husband and told him it was time. We took her in about an hour later. Our vet made me step back when he was proceeding to give her the medicine (I think more for my sake) because I really thought I was going to try and grab her off the table. It happened so fast. Once he got it in I was able to hold her and within seconds she was gone. I stayed with her for a few minutes afterward and she looked so peaceful - better than I had seen her look in weeks.

I'm grateful that I had a few weeks to really love on her and tell her how much she meant to me. I feel like I will never be able to move past the guilt that I killed her

[My Doxie and Me]

Please forgive me for speaking i would like to tell you a story about a Little girl named Penny that opened her heart
to a friend that is an everlasting connection yet we need to hear the thoughts of are friends when they speak with
are Hearts..Today i spoke Pennys name to a friend so you see as you hold Pennys Heart others Hold your Thoughts

And i smiled why well i still see the little girl in the Tub...Forgive me as Bath time is was not a favorite of my Friend
and i would like to say she is Beautiful as the water runs down her back as she sits so nicely;
What i can really see;As the chase begins Come on Bath time;As Penny is know where to be found;
as you look all over to find penny in her very special place If i know Doxies let me think now i know
Your bed those beautyful brown so sad eyes as if we where sending them out into the cold for the winter;
When we just wish for them not to roll around on there backs in the grass in who knows what;

As a cookie awaits for them when they are all done in the Horrors of the waters that splash against there backs
as i kneel and hold my hand out and say all done my princess;...

As fall begins Leafs take flight and start to sing with memories of the winds brings Angels Wings you can see the path of are friends
As the Doxie travels the grass fades as the pattern they choose stay in are hearts as we can still see Paw prints
that they leave as Breath begins to fade we wish them well with a story so all can see for in are Hearts in a moment
As so much might be lost as we try... and we weep for a friend and love blinds us as you Honor Penny.


So Penny i called your name today and words from my Heart Begin to form as Leafs that dance with the trees and the
Loving winds carrie my words to say How lovely your Penny is when the water runs down her back;...

The gift of sight from a friend is a speacial message only you can read intime..

My Thoughts are with Penny and all her friends as you have already brought Honor as your love
Shines for a very special friend that can tell a story 1000 times over with just one look into her eyes
as the loving reflection is where Penny holds you close as she kisses you goodnight.
Lindsey please forgive me for my thoughts as i hold back i thought to speak tonight.





Thank you Penny