Heart Break . . . The Worst Kind Of Pain Options

[Treebyrd]

I would gladly accept physical pain of any kind over heartbreak. There are no pain killers for emotional pain. I feel that hurting myself (punching a wall, banging my head against a wall, etc.) . . . . would be a welcome distraction from the pain inside.

I lost my big, beautiful, red Bloodhound, my buddy, my friend, my gentle giant, my 5 year old baby....... 5 weeks ago. There are no words to describe what he meant to me and no words to describe the pain. There were no signs of anything being wrong. He was happy, healthy, up to date on all vaccinations, heart worm preventative, routine check ups. Nothing to indicate there was any kind of issue. I left Friday night July 6, for a family reunion in Rockford, IL, I was to return Sunday July 8, early evening. Silas passed sometime Saturday the 7th. I wasn't told until Sunday after my husband and son buried him. No body was looking forward to giving me that news so they waited until they knew the reunion was over and I was getting ready to come home. This was all done compassionately and gently. I wish however, that I could have had a necropsy performed to determine what happened. I am so distraught by his death but can't get past the what happened. It was extremely hot that weekend but I had to two swimming pools and three tubs of water with the water hose running into one of the pools. There was no sign that he struggled with stomach issues. No diarrhea, no vomiting. My sister was at my house refreshing their water at 8:00 a.m. Saturday. My husband was home and actually saw him playing about 6:00 a.m. Saturday. My sister doesn't remember seeing him when she gave them fresh water. This is very odd because they are in a fenced yard and he usually is right there when the water hose is on to stick his nose in the fresh tub of water. My husband left for the day to go take care of cattle and no one returned to the house until about 9:00 p.m. when they found Silas laying on his side, feet out, head in a normal position, mouth and eyes closed. Like he just laid down and went to sleep. Due to the condition of the body, the guess is that he had passed very early in the day which again tells me that it couldn't have been heat related. I have searched and researched, talked to vets, justanswer.com, medvet.com, ask a vet websites. The obvious answer is that there is no way to know for sure with out having done a necropsy. Possibly bloat or maybe cardiomyopathy or even anyurism. I left for basically one day 1:30 p.m Friday - 2:00 p.m Sunday and he's gone. Why did it happen on the day I was gone? What happened? Why did I not just skip the reunion . . . I thought about it numerous times but it was for just one day so I went and Silas died. I did (as I do every time I leave) tell all my puppy dogs and kitties goodbye. I give them big hugs. I did so this time but I don't feel like I spent enough time saying goodbye considering what happened. I do and I don't want to know if he suffered or if it was instant. I have so many unanswered questions and so confused. I don't expect answers, unless someone might have had a similar experience with their dog. I just felt like I might feel better if I put my feelings and story in writing. Not Yet . . . but maybe soon.

Thanks!

[moon_beam]

Hi, Treebyrd, thank you so much for sharing your and your beloved Silas' 2 month angel-versary. This grief journey does not resolve in an hour, a day, a week, a month - - or even 6 months. Some days are easier than others, some days are intensely painful. Sometimes it feels like the deep seering pain of sorrow will never ease, and most of the time during the deep grief we find ourselves thinking, hoping, praying, that we are in the midst of a very bad dream and all we have to do is wake up and everything will be okay.

I wish there were an easier way to travel this grief adjustment journey, and if there were one I would most certainly share it with you. The only thing I can do is to try to reassure you that I am here with you, for you, and beside you through every step of your journey, and hope and pray that you can feel my hands reaching out to you across the cyber miles in an effort to offer you comfort in your sorrow.

Treebyrd, thank you again for sharing your and your beloved Silas' 2 month angel-versary with us. I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Silas' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam