In Shock And Heartbroken Options

[Aviendha131]

My heart is breaking and I can hardly breathe from shock and guilt. This morning, I found out that my beloved cat, Bear, passed away last night or early this morning at his vet's office. He has been at the vets since Thursday morning due recurring urethral blockage. The vet suspected that he may have had a bladder tumor that was causing the blocks.

I had the option of taking him home on Saturday morning knowing there was a risk of having him block again over Labor Day weekend and having to send him to the emergency vet OR leaving him at my vet's office where he would stay on IV fluids and keep his catheter in to help flush his bladder and keep him hydrated. I chose to leave him at my vets because he had already reblocked once when the catheter was removed.

I got a call from my vet this morning saying that Bear had died sometime either last night or early this morning. My vet had removed his catheter on Monday morning because he had been urinating freely over the weekend and his urine was clear. As of the last check on Monday evening, Bear was using the litter box and seemed to be doing well. They found he had passed when they came into the office this morning.

All I can think about is Bear dying alone and in pain. This condition is extremely painful, and I know the end was not pleasant for him. I am sick with the thought that he felt he had been abandoned by me, especially since I hadn't seen him since Thursday morning.

I feel so much guilt that I did not take him home. I am 100% sure he would have blocked again over the weekend. The outcome may have been the same if he had blocked while I was sleeping during the night. But, at least he would have been at home, known that he was loved and not abandoned, and we would have been able to spend some time with him.

I am feeling so, so sick with this guilt on top of the shock of losing him so suddenly. Don't know how to cope right now.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Aviendha, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for the information your vet gave you regarding your beloved Bear. I am soooo glad that he was able to help comfort you that Bear did transition home to the angels peacefully -- no sign of trauma, etc.. Of course your heart wishes you could have been with him - - to hold him one more time, to tell him with your voice in his ears that you love him always. You can still talk to him, Aviendha, for the sound of your voice is like a sweet incense lifting heavenward to his ears - - and I assure you he is listening intently to every word you say.

One of the most painful adjustments we must endure in our grief adjustment journey is to the physical absence of our beloved companions. We live in a physically oriented world governed by the 5 senses of taste, touch, sound, sight, and smell. When our companions are physically with us, every time they touch us, lick / kiss us, they are literally chemically imprinting themselves onto us so that they can identify us out of the millions of other people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels, our bodies literally go through a physical withdrawal - - and it is very painful. It is important that you try to find ways to help bridge this physical separation. For example, when you ache to hold your beloved Bear you can hold a towel or blanket or toy or his collar - - something - - that belongs only to him. When each of my companions joined the angels I slept with their collars under my pillow for months, and held one of their toys to my heart when I could no longer bear the emptiness of not being able to hold them. No, it isn't the same as holding your Bear close to you and feeling the warmth of his precious physical body next to you - - but it does help. And I continue to talk to my beloved companions for I know they hear me - - and I do feel their sweet Living Spirit with me - - sometimes more at times than others.

I can very well identify with the trauma of losing your three kitties in a very short period of time. Losing one companion is difficult to cope with -- putting it mildly - - losing two or more companions in a short period of time intensifies and prolongs the grief. I am so very sorry for your losses, Aviendha - - I can feel the depth of your deep sorrow and shock. I wish there were a way I could take this deep sorrow from your heart, but I do not have that power. But I am here to share it with you - - and to try to offer you comfort, support, encouragement and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you again so much for sharing your beloved Bear with us, and once again - - I hope your vet was able to bring some comfort to your heart in sharing with you that he saw no evidence that your beloved Bear had a painful journey home to the angels. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Aviendha, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam