In Shock And Heartbroken Options

[Aviendha131]

My heart is breaking and I can hardly breathe from shock and guilt. This morning, I found out that my beloved cat, Bear, passed away last night or early this morning at his vet's office. He has been at the vets since Thursday morning due recurring urethral blockage. The vet suspected that he may have had a bladder tumor that was causing the blocks.

I had the option of taking him home on Saturday morning knowing there was a risk of having him block again over Labor Day weekend and having to send him to the emergency vet OR leaving him at my vet's office where he would stay on IV fluids and keep his catheter in to help flush his bladder and keep him hydrated. I chose to leave him at my vets because he had already reblocked once when the catheter was removed.

I got a call from my vet this morning saying that Bear had died sometime either last night or early this morning. My vet had removed his catheter on Monday morning because he had been urinating freely over the weekend and his urine was clear. As of the last check on Monday evening, Bear was using the litter box and seemed to be doing well. They found he had passed when they came into the office this morning.

All I can think about is Bear dying alone and in pain. This condition is extremely painful, and I know the end was not pleasant for him. I am sick with the thought that he felt he had been abandoned by me, especially since I hadn't seen him since Thursday morning.

I feel so much guilt that I did not take him home. I am 100% sure he would have blocked again over the weekend. The outcome may have been the same if he had blocked while I was sleeping during the night. But, at least he would have been at home, known that he was loved and not abandoned, and we would have been able to spend some time with him.

I am feeling so, so sick with this guilt on top of the shock of losing him so suddenly. Don't know how to cope right now.

[missingmygranny]

Oh I am so sorry for your loss! What a terrible thing for any pet owner to have to go through. I think often times pets prefer to go on their own, without their owners there as they sometimes hang on for days, weeks, months longer than they should because they don't want to disappoint us. Are you having him cremated or will you get to bring him home and bury him? A ceremony of some sort with his family might help and you need to forgive yourself - there is absolutely no way you could have known.

[Aviendha131]

Oh I am so sorry for your loss! What a terrible thing for any pet owner to have to go through. I think often times pets prefer to go on their own, without their owners there as they sometimes hang on for days, weeks, months longer than they should because they don't want to disappoint us. Are you having him cremated or will you get to bring him home and bury him? A ceremony of some sort with his family might help and you need to forgive yourself - there is absolutely no way you could have known.

We are having a private cremation.

I can't quit sobbing. I feel sad for myself which I know is normal, but thinking about him suffering alone is unbearable.

I wonder if he thought about us and his home, or whether I was going to walk in the door to comfort him? Did he suffer for hours, or did he go quickly? Did he feel scared and alone?

The last time I saw him I didn't even spend that much time with him because I thought I was just dropping him off for aftercare from the ER vet. I gave him a pat, told him I loved him, that I hoped he felt better and that I would see him soon. My God, I would do anything to go back in time...