Heart Break . . . The Worst Kind Of Pain Options

[Treebyrd]

I would gladly accept physical pain of any kind over heartbreak. There are no pain killers for emotional pain. I feel that hurting myself (punching a wall, banging my head against a wall, etc.) . . . . would be a welcome distraction from the pain inside.

I lost my big, beautiful, red Bloodhound, my buddy, my friend, my gentle giant, my 5 year old baby....... 5 weeks ago. There are no words to describe what he meant to me and no words to describe the pain. There were no signs of anything being wrong. He was happy, healthy, up to date on all vaccinations, heart worm preventative, routine check ups. Nothing to indicate there was any kind of issue. I left Friday night July 6, for a family reunion in Rockford, IL, I was to return Sunday July 8, early evening. Silas passed sometime Saturday the 7th. I wasn't told until Sunday after my husband and son buried him. No body was looking forward to giving me that news so they waited until they knew the reunion was over and I was getting ready to come home. This was all done compassionately and gently. I wish however, that I could have had a necropsy performed to determine what happened. I am so distraught by his death but can't get past the what happened. It was extremely hot that weekend but I had to two swimming pools and three tubs of water with the water hose running into one of the pools. There was no sign that he struggled with stomach issues. No diarrhea, no vomiting. My sister was at my house refreshing their water at 8:00 a.m. Saturday. My husband was home and actually saw him playing about 6:00 a.m. Saturday. My sister doesn't remember seeing him when she gave them fresh water. This is very odd because they are in a fenced yard and he usually is right there when the water hose is on to stick his nose in the fresh tub of water. My husband left for the day to go take care of cattle and no one returned to the house until about 9:00 p.m. when they found Silas laying on his side, feet out, head in a normal position, mouth and eyes closed. Like he just laid down and went to sleep. Due to the condition of the body, the guess is that he had passed very early in the day which again tells me that it couldn't have been heat related. I have searched and researched, talked to vets, justanswer.com, medvet.com, ask a vet websites. The obvious answer is that there is no way to know for sure with out having done a necropsy. Possibly bloat or maybe cardiomyopathy or even anyurism. I left for basically one day 1:30 p.m Friday - 2:00 p.m Sunday and he's gone. Why did it happen on the day I was gone? What happened? Why did I not just skip the reunion . . . I thought about it numerous times but it was for just one day so I went and Silas died. I did (as I do every time I leave) tell all my puppy dogs and kitties goodbye. I give them big hugs. I did so this time but I don't feel like I spent enough time saying goodbye considering what happened. I do and I don't want to know if he suffered or if it was instant. I have so many unanswered questions and so confused. I don't expect answers, unless someone might have had a similar experience with their dog. I just felt like I might feel better if I put my feelings and story in writing. Not Yet . . . but maybe soon.

Thanks!

[Kaiasmom]

Treebyrd I'm so very sorry for your loss. Your story is very similar to mine. I lost my best friend, my 5 year old black lab, Kaia, a little over 3 months ago as suddenly as it sounds like you lost your beloved Silas. I had taken both my labs for a walk early in the morning and in the space of a minute Kaia had a seizure and was non-responsive. I tried CPR but she was gone. Like Silas she was up to date on shots, vet visits, heartworm, etc. Kaia was always energetic and happy and never showed any signs of illness. The emergency vet felt it looked like anaphlaytic shock from a bite/sting, possibly from a bee/wasp or allergic reaction to something she ate. They also asked about a necropsy but I declined, not wanting her body to be cut open and I figured what was the point, because it wasn't going to bring her back. But honestly, like you, I wish I had done it to try and get answers. I also researched to try and find a cause online because I just couldn't believe a bee sting could take down a healthy dog. My regular vet, who I've been with almost 20 years, thought she must have been stung in the mouth and it went straight to a blood vessel for the reaction to be so fatal.

When I went to the ER vet to pick up her ashes I asked them if they see sudden death cases often and she said they do. They had just had a yorkie come in that the owners had just left for an hour and it was fine when they left and dead when they came back. They also said that even with a necropsy it doesn't always find the cause.

I know exactly how you feel. I tell myself all the time I would rather go through anything else then the loss of a beloved pet. The sadness and heartbreak is so intense. I honestly still spend so much time just trying to get through my day. I think aobut Kaia all the time and go over that morning every time I wake up. I wish I had never taken them for a walk that morning. I still cannot believe she is gone, I was doing fine for awhile, but latelly the feelings have all been rushing back and I've been crying at night. I know this has changed me forever, not just her death but how she died, but I loved having her in my life for the short time we were together. I treated that morning like every other morning and wished I had spent more time with her, given her more love, more kisses, more everything.

Again I am so very sorry that you are going through this terrible pain. I promise you it will get better. You will always feel the loss and miss the things he used to do, but in time instead of feeling sad they will make you happy to remember. I know you are not there yet, I'm not either but I have to believe we will both get there eventually.

Kaiasmom