Heart Break . . . The Worst Kind Of Pain Options

[Treebyrd]

I would gladly accept physical pain of any kind over heartbreak. There are no pain killers for emotional pain. I feel that hurting myself (punching a wall, banging my head against a wall, etc.) . . . . would be a welcome distraction from the pain inside.

I lost my big, beautiful, red Bloodhound, my buddy, my friend, my gentle giant, my 5 year old baby....... 5 weeks ago. There are no words to describe what he meant to me and no words to describe the pain. There were no signs of anything being wrong. He was happy, healthy, up to date on all vaccinations, heart worm preventative, routine check ups. Nothing to indicate there was any kind of issue. I left Friday night July 6, for a family reunion in Rockford, IL, I was to return Sunday July 8, early evening. Silas passed sometime Saturday the 7th. I wasn't told until Sunday after my husband and son buried him. No body was looking forward to giving me that news so they waited until they knew the reunion was over and I was getting ready to come home. This was all done compassionately and gently. I wish however, that I could have had a necropsy performed to determine what happened. I am so distraught by his death but can't get past the what happened. It was extremely hot that weekend but I had to two swimming pools and three tubs of water with the water hose running into one of the pools. There was no sign that he struggled with stomach issues. No diarrhea, no vomiting. My sister was at my house refreshing their water at 8:00 a.m. Saturday. My husband was home and actually saw him playing about 6:00 a.m. Saturday. My sister doesn't remember seeing him when she gave them fresh water. This is very odd because they are in a fenced yard and he usually is right there when the water hose is on to stick his nose in the fresh tub of water. My husband left for the day to go take care of cattle and no one returned to the house until about 9:00 p.m. when they found Silas laying on his side, feet out, head in a normal position, mouth and eyes closed. Like he just laid down and went to sleep. Due to the condition of the body, the guess is that he had passed very early in the day which again tells me that it couldn't have been heat related. I have searched and researched, talked to vets, justanswer.com, medvet.com, ask a vet websites. The obvious answer is that there is no way to know for sure with out having done a necropsy. Possibly bloat or maybe cardiomyopathy or even anyurism. I left for basically one day 1:30 p.m Friday - 2:00 p.m Sunday and he's gone. Why did it happen on the day I was gone? What happened? Why did I not just skip the reunion . . . I thought about it numerous times but it was for just one day so I went and Silas died. I did (as I do every time I leave) tell all my puppy dogs and kitties goodbye. I give them big hugs. I did so this time but I don't feel like I spent enough time saying goodbye considering what happened. I do and I don't want to know if he suffered or if it was instant. I have so many unanswered questions and so confused. I don't expect answers, unless someone might have had a similar experience with their dog. I just felt like I might feel better if I put my feelings and story in writing. Not Yet . . . but maybe soon.

Thanks!

[Treebyrd]

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. It really does help to know that I'm not alone in the way I feel about loosing my puppy dog. I do wish I knew that he went quickly and painlessly. My biggest fear at this point is that he may have suffered. It's been almost 6 weeks but feels like yesterday. I replay everything over and over and over. I wish that I was a person that didn't dwell and go thru all of the what ifs. I wish I could bounce easily back to normal. I have so much to be happy about . . . healthy children, husband, parents, pets, etc. but I just can't right now. I miss him terribly and I'm mad that he was taken from me and I have to wake up every morning to the fact that he's gone and I want him back right NOW!

I trained Silas to search for lost pets and he was very good at it. He would also find people, calves . . . any scent I put in front of him . . . he would search and usually find it. Cats and dogs are tricky to find because they are not necessarily wanting to be found so they wander but he would pick up their scent and let me know what direction they went or if they were still in the area. He was so very smart and beautiful. He was born with a bobbed tail which kept him from ever becoming a show dog but that didn't matter to me. He was beautiful and I miss his voice and soulful eyes. I miss the way he would use his paws to open gates, to scoot his food bowl closer to him, to reach out and touch me. And I even miss his slobbers and his smell. I loved everything about him and it seems so unreal that something so full of life, so beautiful and smart, can be gone now. I will post a picture soon. All of the pics I have on my computer are large files and I haven't figured out how to reduce them. When I figure it out . . . I will share.

Thanks again,

Treebyrd