Heart Break . . . The Worst Kind Of Pain Options

[Treebyrd]

I would gladly accept physical pain of any kind over heartbreak. There are no pain killers for emotional pain. I feel that hurting myself (punching a wall, banging my head against a wall, etc.) . . . . would be a welcome distraction from the pain inside.

I lost my big, beautiful, red Bloodhound, my buddy, my friend, my gentle giant, my 5 year old baby....... 5 weeks ago. There are no words to describe what he meant to me and no words to describe the pain. There were no signs of anything being wrong. He was happy, healthy, up to date on all vaccinations, heart worm preventative, routine check ups. Nothing to indicate there was any kind of issue. I left Friday night July 6, for a family reunion in Rockford, IL, I was to return Sunday July 8, early evening. Silas passed sometime Saturday the 7th. I wasn't told until Sunday after my husband and son buried him. No body was looking forward to giving me that news so they waited until they knew the reunion was over and I was getting ready to come home. This was all done compassionately and gently. I wish however, that I could have had a necropsy performed to determine what happened. I am so distraught by his death but can't get past the what happened. It was extremely hot that weekend but I had to two swimming pools and three tubs of water with the water hose running into one of the pools. There was no sign that he struggled with stomach issues. No diarrhea, no vomiting. My sister was at my house refreshing their water at 8:00 a.m. Saturday. My husband was home and actually saw him playing about 6:00 a.m. Saturday. My sister doesn't remember seeing him when she gave them fresh water. This is very odd because they are in a fenced yard and he usually is right there when the water hose is on to stick his nose in the fresh tub of water. My husband left for the day to go take care of cattle and no one returned to the house until about 9:00 p.m. when they found Silas laying on his side, feet out, head in a normal position, mouth and eyes closed. Like he just laid down and went to sleep. Due to the condition of the body, the guess is that he had passed very early in the day which again tells me that it couldn't have been heat related. I have searched and researched, talked to vets, justanswer.com, medvet.com, ask a vet websites. The obvious answer is that there is no way to know for sure with out having done a necropsy. Possibly bloat or maybe cardiomyopathy or even anyurism. I left for basically one day 1:30 p.m Friday - 2:00 p.m Sunday and he's gone. Why did it happen on the day I was gone? What happened? Why did I not just skip the reunion . . . I thought about it numerous times but it was for just one day so I went and Silas died. I did (as I do every time I leave) tell all my puppy dogs and kitties goodbye. I give them big hugs. I did so this time but I don't feel like I spent enough time saying goodbye considering what happened. I do and I don't want to know if he suffered or if it was instant. I have so many unanswered questions and so confused. I don't expect answers, unless someone might have had a similar experience with their dog. I just felt like I might feel better if I put my feelings and story in writing. Not Yet . . . but maybe soon.

Thanks!

[Bobbie]

Dear Treebyrd,

I am so very, very sorry for your agonizing loss of Silas. He sounds like a wonderful boy and I know you loved him more than very much!

Just adding to moon_beam's eloquent message, I totally believe that Silas, who has left his physical body behind, is a totally free and happy Spirit now. He is able to be right next to your loving, caring heart all the time and, at the same time, frolic and get to know many new friends on a daily basis in the Perfect World. I choose to call that place Heaven, but it has thousands of names.

I lost my wonderful Trevor, the bravest little Cocker Spaniel in the world, just over a year ago and it still shakes me to the core at times that he is no longer here. Then I remind myself that he IS - his Spirit is right here and one day I will not only understand that, but be reunited with him and all his brothers. What a joy that will be! Meanwhile, we are left behind to live and cope in this world. Please try to take some time to do what I believe Silas, as a young dog, would want you to do: make sure to take care of yourself (he doesn't want anything to happen to his mommy) and take all the time you need to grieve, remember and heal. It WILL happen, in a timely manner that is right just for you! Give yourself time and lots of it. I still go to the Human Society cemetery where Trevor and his brothers are buried (we have just a small yard) all the time, talking to every one of them and arranging the right flowers, beanie baby doggies, flags, etc. that is just right for their personalities. Don't be ashamed of what you feel, how you express it or how long (or short) your healing journey takes. Other peopke, outside of your immediate family, really don't matter. If they "get it" great! If not, move on immediately to someone who supports you.

And you will find all sorts of understanding, support, acceptance and love here at Lightning- Strike (LS). Every one of us has been through the agony and journey that you are on now. Some have just recently lost a loved one, others have lost more than one or are at a different place on their journey. But we all are here FOR YOU!! Please feel free to write here whenever you need to, as many times as you want to. I did and still do.

I could go on and on, but that's not what you need now. Know that I am always here FOR YOU and WITH YOU - always.

Blessings..........................
Bobbie
(Trevor's mom)

PS: I'll tell Trevor and his buddies about Silas, but I'm sure they have already met and are having a ball. Not to mention the bragging (about YOU) that is going on........