Rip E. Options

[orpheenoir]

Hi all. I'm new to this site, I prefer to remain semi-anonymous, but I may open up more in the future.

I lost my cat, E, on Monday 7/9/12. Apparently, diabetes set in and hit him very hard, and caused his already weak kidneys to fail completely. I watched him waste away without being able to help for too long. He dropped down to just barely 7lbs and had stopped eating and drinking altogether. I chose to euthanize him rather than keep him alive for more testing. I feel guilty, as if I could have found out about the diabetes sooner and saved him. E and I were together for 16 years, almost 17.
I am very unsure about where to go from here. I haven't moved anything in my house because it all hasn't set in yet. I still come home and expect to see him waiting for me. I have another cat, whom I have had for about 13 years. She keeps looking for him and I have no clue what to do. I am at a loss. I know that what I did was the humane thing to do, but I can't help but wonder if I did the wrong thing.

I'm not sure what else to post, I just needed to get this out in what seems like a safe haven. Thank you for reading.


Oh, and this is the last photo I took of him. He was in my arms, purring, before we put him to sleep for the euthanasia.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m730zu2j...vxg9o1_1280.jpg

[moon_beam]

Hi, orpheenoir, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved E. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

This grief jouney is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at once and can make us feel like we are literally going insane. It is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. One of the many emotions we all experience is guilt, and it is one of the hardest of the emotions to reconcile. Guilt comes from looking back and pondering all the "why didn't Is" "why did Is" "I should haves" - - and on and on and on. From what you have shared with us it is very clear that you did the very best for your beloved E at all times. This is all our companions ask of us.

Our companions are very adept at disguising how they are feeling. It is part of their survival mechanism they inherit from their wild cousins. Any sign of sickness, weakness, injury, etc., makes them easy prey, so they deliberately disguise how they are feeling until they can no longer do it. Of course this is little consolation to us - - their cargivers. Unfortunately by that the time the illness / injury has already begun to take a toll on their body. Sometimes veterinary medicine can help stabilize and restore a good quality of life, while at other times the only thing we can do is keep our companions as comfortable and happy as possible until it is time to release them from their physical body.

Although this grief adjustment journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity, there is good news. The love bond you and your beloved E share is eternal. It is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your physical connection to your beloved E has transformed to a different dimension. His sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey just as he always has and always will. He is forever a part of your heart and your memories, orpheenoire, - - he is forever a heartbeat close to you.

As Gretta's Mom and Valentino have already so comfortingly shared with you, please let me try to affirm their words: This grief journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. One of the many things you need to remember during your grief journey is that you are not alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. One of the many ways you can find comfort in your grief journey is to help comfort your precious kitty who is also grieving the physical loss of her housemate. In comforting her, you will also receive comfort.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss in your heart, orpheenoire. I can only hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, encouragement, support, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved E with us, orpheenoire. Perhaps sometime you would like to share a picture(s) of him with us - - but only when / if you would like to. Please know you and your precious companion are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam