Tucker Deserves The Best In Life And In Heaven Options

[WAdoglover]

I have started writing this several times, each with a heartfelt justification of why I love Tucker. I am going to put that aside for the moment. I, like everyone else on this site, joined out of a deep love, perhaps beyond many pet owners (just the term pet owner makes me shudder as if they are just property). I feel such a lonely devestation as if no one else could possibly understand what I am going through. I know that is not the case, but few people show in public or verbalize how devastated they are over their animals.

Tucker is still with me, but on borrowed time. This borrowed time even has extended beyond what has been fair to my fur child. He is suffering from larangeal paralysis and degenerative nerve damage. Surgery is out of the question. Some days I wish that God would make the umbearable decision for me and take him to the rainbow bridge since I am having a difficult time making the right decision. Truth is, my children are in the middle of finals and my oldest who is a Junior and on the verge of a 4.0. Really??? Am I really making a decision for him to hang on so that my kid can get a 4.0? Or am I just using this as an excuse to have more time with him? Am I avoiding the issue because I do not want my children to feel the pain I am currently experiencing? I spend my days laying down with him keeping him calm. I know we cannot keep on this path, and I know Tucker deserves better.

Perhaps the real issue for some of us who experience this type of grief is the depression that goes with it. Is it really reasonable to think that I can make a decision when experiencing the depression that goes with it? I am not ashamed of the deep love I have for my dog but at the moment it feels like a curse.

[Bobbie]

Dear WAdoglover,

A couple days ago I wrote a reply to your original message. somehow I was blocked from sending it, probably because I used actual names of medications I gave to my rescue C. Spaniel, Trevor. I'm not going to go through everything again, for fear of being "bleeped" again, but I had an older rescue boy who ended up in severe pain which my vet and I tried to keep under control with some high doese of very strong medicine. And, for awhile it seemed to work. But then the viscious cycle of more pain...more meds...more pain...more meds became a large part of our lives.
I, too, would sit or lie with Trevor every single night, to help him get through the night with whatever he needed. We'd snuggle in the morning and I kept several pet stores in business buying up their Potty Pads when Trevor lost control of bowel and bladder. I didn't care what things cost, I wanted to be with Trevor and give him "the best" I could.
After much heartache and questioning, Trevor was sent over the Rainbow Bridge to the place I call Heaven. He was surrounded by those who loved him so. He died in my arms. His funeral service and burial were beautiful. His first year Angel-versary comes up in July.
But shortly after his death, I knew I had made a terrible and wrong decision. I had waited too long and because of my inability to truly "see" Trevor's pain and his actual quality of life. I didn't want to lose Trevor. I didn't know if I could live without him. Right then and there I made Trevor a promise I hope I can keep: to never again inflict pain and suffering on any of my boys needlessly or for MY sake. I am their mother and I need to be responsible enough to take on the Pain that is going to come anyway so that my dog(s) don't have to suffer silently. I know this goes against the grain of the majority of doggie and kitty parents, but I think back to my other 6 dogs and wonder how many times they suffered too much.
I know we are only human and try to do the best job we can. But I KNOW Ican do better, next time. It will take every ounce of courage that I don't think I have, but being a responsible parent also means making the totally loving decision when your body and soul screams out, "No!"

I do not know your entire situation nor do I live with your precious and amazing Tucker. You must do what is right for you and your entire family, including Tucker. I simply want to tell you my story because, while the ending is, sadly, always the same, the ways and means of makinig our decisions can be so different. I think of you and Tucker and your family every day and pray for your strength and guidance with Tucker. You are a wonderful mama and I know no dog could ask for anything more.

Blessings.............................
Bobbie