Tucker Deserves The Best In Life And In Heaven Options

[WAdoglover]

I have started writing this several times, each with a heartfelt justification of why I love Tucker. I am going to put that aside for the moment. I, like everyone else on this site, joined out of a deep love, perhaps beyond many pet owners (just the term pet owner makes me shudder as if they are just property). I feel such a lonely devestation as if no one else could possibly understand what I am going through. I know that is not the case, but few people show in public or verbalize how devastated they are over their animals.

Tucker is still with me, but on borrowed time. This borrowed time even has extended beyond what has been fair to my fur child. He is suffering from larangeal paralysis and degenerative nerve damage. Surgery is out of the question. Some days I wish that God would make the umbearable decision for me and take him to the rainbow bridge since I am having a difficult time making the right decision. Truth is, my children are in the middle of finals and my oldest who is a Junior and on the verge of a 4.0. Really??? Am I really making a decision for him to hang on so that my kid can get a 4.0? Or am I just using this as an excuse to have more time with him? Am I avoiding the issue because I do not want my children to feel the pain I am currently experiencing? I spend my days laying down with him keeping him calm. I know we cannot keep on this path, and I know Tucker deserves better.

Perhaps the real issue for some of us who experience this type of grief is the depression that goes with it. Is it really reasonable to think that I can make a decision when experiencing the depression that goes with it? I am not ashamed of the deep love I have for my dog but at the moment it feels like a curse.

[WAdoglover]

Thank you everyone for your kind words. Tucker had a much better day today. I did spend quite a bit of time exploring what is holding me back. Perhaps it is the caretaker in me. I just keep convincing myself that me sitting with Tucker all day is making him happy. Not that I want to admit this, but I am just not ready. I cannot bear the thought of losing him. Also, thinking about telling the kids is making me physically ill. I know once I begin to talk to the kids it becomes the point of no return. A catch 22.... Once I talk to the kids and make the appointment, I know I will feel better in a sense. But with this also comes a sadness of letting Tucker go.