Please Help With This Unbearable Grief. Options

[ginosmom]

Gino was our beloved yellow lab. He loved everything - life, people, animals, food. He was happy. He was healthy. He was 9 years old.

While in Vancouver with my twelve-year-old son yesterday, Gino and my schnauzer Zeke (best buds) were in the care of my neighbor as they often are when we are out of town. We received a call when still5 hours driving time away that Gino was dead. The neighbor left for the store for 20 minutes and returned home to find Gino had suffocated inside a bag of cat food he'd gotten into. THere was no reviving him.

As we drove frantically home, I was hysterical and not believing what was said. I sent many people, including our vet, up to the house. All confirmed....Gino was gone.

Gino was my best friend. He has been by my side through the darkest times of my life. My divorce. So many things. He and my son grew up together from puppyhood and toddlerhood. He was full of life. He had two cruciate ligament replacement surgeries over the last 2 years, upwards of $10,000, to repair his blown-out knee joints. After each surgery, he was happy. He was like a new dog each time. He never complained about wearing a cone on his head or taking his medicine or limping. He was always just happy.

I had taken him to the dog park every day last week. He ran in the field and swam in the creek and rolled on his back in the grass. I promised to take him to the beach lots this summer, as I've been so busy with my work. THese are all now things we'll never get to do.

I don't understand.

I read through these grief pages and feel compassion for everyone who lost a pet, but what I read is of old pets and sick pets. Not my Gino. He was not old. He was not sick. He had so much life left to live. Why did this happen? WHy did I go away? Why did I leave him?

I DIDN"T EVEN GET TO SAY GOODBYE TO HIM. I didn't tell him I loved him. But I did. Oh how I did.

He was my friend. He kept me safe on the 12 acres of property I live on by myself. My other dog is still with me but nothing is the same. It will never be the same. Can anyone help?

Everyone says they can't imagine what I feel. That isn't helping. I need to hear that others have experienced this grief, this TRAGIC grief, this accident, and that life somehow moved them forward. I can't imagine.

Today we went to the vet's office where his body had been taken. I wasn't going to see him but I had to, to say goodbye. He had been wrapped in plastic and put in the freezer, covered in a blanket. I lay beside the mound of beloved dog that was no longer.......just the body, but the body of the dog I loved with all my heart. THe dog I could've been better to, could've done more for, could've appreciated more. I took for granted he'd always be here. I lay beside him and wept and said goodbye and said thank you. The body smelled badly. I wish I hadn't seen that or smelled that. That isn't my Gino.

Please help me and my son, anyone. Not by saying I have a right to feel sad or that you can't imagine my pain....but something, anytthing that will help. Thank you.

[Gretta's Mom]

HI Melina

Please let me assure you that you are NOT "supposed to be OK" at this early time - or ever, if that's the way it turns out to be. Through the stories described on this site, I'm learning that only a few, oh-so-fortunate people are blessed with the miracle of their soul-mate animal finding them. Soul-mates carry a part of each other's souls - sort of like a puzzle piece. These amazing animals search the universe over - all through those billions of people - until they find their one-and-only. And then they put themselves in our paths so We find THEM - and the rest is the most wonderful love-exchange there is this side of heaven. This soul-love never diminshes or disappears. This is how we know that both we AND our soul-mates are still "being" in some form. Unfortunately (for us), Whoeve made the world decided that our soul-mates' lives should be shorter than ours. Maybe this is to put our himan spirits through the he&^ish refining but purifying fire.

Please be assured that there is no "allowed" time for grieving. The many, many people who tell us this are unlucky enough never to have had the soul-bonding experience. They speak out of no knowledge. And please do not grieve that you have not yet - oor maybe ever - received a tangible message from your darling baby. From what I can tell, it seems that most people don't. I had only a glimpse of a Golden Retriever between me and Gretta's dog dish a couple of days after she passed. But from the teaching I've received on this site - a lot from Ms Moon Beam, all of our spiritual mother on this site - I know that our soul-mates are right there with us as always, guiding our steps, watching out for us, rejoicing in our triumphs and consoling us when we mourn. And most of all loving us and being loved by us.

Zeke could be mourning the loss of his best friend, too. You're right, we don't really know because our love-bugs don't speak English. But I'm sure they're not so different from us - they miss and grieve, too. Or at least wonder what happened. The decision to adopt another fur baby was easier for me because Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) was an "only-animal". After she went home, my arms were so full of love but there was no place to "put" this love. I, too, almost adopted a mixed chocolate lab-chessie - but, like you, it just wasn't right. Then I went back to the organization from which I'd adopted Gretta and decided to adopt a BIG black lab (who turned out to have some Newfie in him) - a dog that I'd initiallly decided against because he was too young- and took him in. He's a boy - very different from a girl - but his eyes won me over - and continue to do so.

People say you'll know when it's "right" to adopt another family member. I don't know if I believe that, but I DO velieve that your gut knows when it's NOT right - like yours. Trust your gut - people don't call it an "animal instinct' for no reason!

No, Melina, feeling this deep grief doesn't mean you need professional help or that you're mentally ill. As in all things, follow your heart and your head about counseling - I'm in it now for some totally other reasons - and please, please don't let other people's "shoulds" stick to your soul.

For now,

Peace and blessings to you fro Gretta (and Rufie's) mom