Struggling Options

[scott]

Hi all im new to this forum but i was franticly searching the internet for help regarding grieving.

I lost my beloved friend and family member a couple of days ago Wednesday 9th May, my beloved Tess. She was a Labrador/border collie cross. I dont like saying "pet" as she wasn't a pet, i even refused to put a collar on her as she wasn't my property, she was my friend. But i knew the day was coming and informed my parents to take her to the vets if she needed too without me knowing as i couldn't handle it and she hated the vets. My parents got her for me when i was 11 years old, i am now 26 so she was coming up 15 years old. Thats what makes it hard, i had her with me from a young age growing up with me through a lot of important stages in my life and now shes not here....

During her life she battled through cataracts, severely poor hearing later on, arthritis, and the worst when she was around 11, pyometra which resulted in emergency surgery and the vet said it was a miracle she survived and that she was a fighter. She fully recovered but recently became victim to old age, losing her balance every now and then, sleeping most of the day, walking around in the same pattern like she had dementia and began to lose control of her bowels by pooping in the house.

My parents took her to the vets Wednesday morning whilst i was still asleep and the vet said she was ready to go to sleep :'( I was told by my parents as i awoke and they had already done it and come home. I feel guilty that i wasn't there for her as she was my soul mate and i just know she would have been wondering where i was.

I have had her through most of my life and now coming downstairs, shes not there any more I wont even walk or stand in the area of the living room where her bed was. A weird and horrible thing im experiencing is, when i go to places such as out for the day shopping with my partner every shop i walk in to makes me think of her. Even though i had never took Tess to that shop, I get this thought of "The last time we shopped here, Tess was still alive" and when i watch a popular tv show i think "The last time we watched this was only last week and Tess was still here" I cant stop this from happening and it upsets me every time. There is still bits of her hair hiding in cracks and crevices.

I dont know how to cope without her...

[moon_beam]

Hi, Scott, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to offer you some measure of comfort.

First of all, you did not murder your beloved Tess by easing her journey home to the angels. Everything comes with a cause and effect. Yes, there are pain medications and treatments available to our companions to enhance and prolong their physical existence. But those medications and treatments come with a price to their health and spirit. Every medication has a side effect, and some of those can be very life threatening. So, what is administered in the hope and intention of improving a medical condition can in fact be the cause of inflicting more harm. I found this out with my beloved Oslo, and fortunately with the wise intervention of his veterinary practitioner, the effects of the medicaiton had not inflicted permanent damage on his heart. What works for one patient can in fact be a disaster for another.

There comes a point in time for ALL living beings when "quality of life" outweighs the desire for "quantity of life." Just as with human medicine, there comes a point when veterinary medicine can no longer help a patient maintain a good quality of life. And when the quality of life no longer allows a patient to have any joy and dignity, then as their caregiver it is our responsibility to release them from their frail, failing, painful physical body. While the words "it is the humane thing to do" sounds very routine, I assure you they are said as the last words any veterinary practitioner wants to have to say. The good thing about veterinary medicine is that they can LEGALLY ease a patient's journey home to the angels in as comfortable a way as possible, while human patients are left to suffer not only with the complexities of their physical decline but also with the horrendous side effects of the multiple medications they are on to counteract each other. Yes, having to make the decision to allow our companions to leave their physical bodies is very hard - - devastating - - and heartbreaking, but it is a decision that is made out of the deepest most unselfish love we can give to our companions at a time in their lives when they so deserve it.

So please know, Scott, that your beloved Tess is eternally grateful for your unselfish love that now allows her to be happy and free of the physical body that was robbing her of joy to be physically alive. I do know how painful this grief journey is for you, Scott. We live in a physically oriented world grounded in the five senses of taste, touch, sight, smell, and hearing. When our companions come into our hearts and home our lives are changed for the better. They literally become the center of our universe because they are totally dependent upon us for their care - - feeding, grooming, bathing, exercise, medical care, emotional support. When they precede us to the angels our lives are changed again. We are faced with the most incredibly painful challenge of re-inventing our lives without their precious physical presence with us. The good news is that their sweet Living Spirits continue to be with us wherever we go and whatever we do. The love bond you and your beloved Tess share is eternal, Scott, it is a living and growing presence - - which nothing in heaven or on earth can ever take away from you and your beloved Tess. She is forever a part of you, Scott - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

Every day during this grief journey is filled with so many "firsts without" - - the trip to the store and no longer having to pick up the food, the OTC medicines, the toys, etc. - - Sometimes during the deep grief it feels like the deep seering pain will never end. Please let me try to reassure you that someday this deep sorrow that is now in your heart will ease, Scott, and you will be able to think of your beloved Tess and find yourself smiling - - truly smiling. The plans you have for the pictures of her sound wonderful, Scott, and even if you find it difficult to do now as your heart is still filled with deep grief, perhaps sometime you will be able to do this and find happiness when you look at her pictures again.

I know there is no easy way through this grief journey, Scott. There are no fast forward or delete buttons to press that can speed up the journey or make it go it away completely. I can only hope and pray that somehow you will find encouragement, support, comfort, and hope in the words I share with you. I hope today is treating you kindly, Scott. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing, and sharing your treasured memories of your beloved Tess.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam