Struggling Options

[scott]

Hi all im new to this forum but i was franticly searching the internet for help regarding grieving.

I lost my beloved friend and family member a couple of days ago Wednesday 9th May, my beloved Tess. She was a Labrador/border collie cross. I dont like saying "pet" as she wasn't a pet, i even refused to put a collar on her as she wasn't my property, she was my friend. But i knew the day was coming and informed my parents to take her to the vets if she needed too without me knowing as i couldn't handle it and she hated the vets. My parents got her for me when i was 11 years old, i am now 26 so she was coming up 15 years old. Thats what makes it hard, i had her with me from a young age growing up with me through a lot of important stages in my life and now shes not here....

During her life she battled through cataracts, severely poor hearing later on, arthritis, and the worst when she was around 11, pyometra which resulted in emergency surgery and the vet said it was a miracle she survived and that she was a fighter. She fully recovered but recently became victim to old age, losing her balance every now and then, sleeping most of the day, walking around in the same pattern like she had dementia and began to lose control of her bowels by pooping in the house.

My parents took her to the vets Wednesday morning whilst i was still asleep and the vet said she was ready to go to sleep :'( I was told by my parents as i awoke and they had already done it and come home. I feel guilty that i wasn't there for her as she was my soul mate and i just know she would have been wondering where i was.

I have had her through most of my life and now coming downstairs, shes not there any more I wont even walk or stand in the area of the living room where her bed was. A weird and horrible thing im experiencing is, when i go to places such as out for the day shopping with my partner every shop i walk in to makes me think of her. Even though i had never took Tess to that shop, I get this thought of "The last time we shopped here, Tess was still alive" and when i watch a popular tv show i think "The last time we watched this was only last week and Tess was still here" I cant stop this from happening and it upsets me every time. There is still bits of her hair hiding in cracks and crevices.

I dont know how to cope without her...

[Kristin M]

Aww, what a cutie. Bless her heart. I love senior dogs. Gretta's mom: That is so cute about the 'wolf'. My husband used to play with Nina and growl at her, and she would raise her lips too! It was just so hysterical because she was the sweetest dog ever, and it was so funny to see her do it!

You will heal Scott, but it will take time. I thought I was doing much better, and I am, but I had sort of a "relapse" tonight, and just completely lost it when I found my Nina's Christmas collar. I felt like I was right back to the day she died. That same intense pain. But again, that pain must be acknowledged and released in order to move past it.

Those who consider pets, "just a dog" or "just a cat" or "just a etc., etc.," clearly have not had the special and unique love of an animal, or they would not feel that way. I love my dogs more than anyone on the planet, and that includes my husband and family members. (Don't tell him that). But the love is in a different form. Pets provide pure, honest, unconditional love, and do not expect a THING in return! That is something we as humans are not capable of, myself included. Pay no attention to these poor souls. They do not understand the pure and unconditional love that our babies give us, and honestly, I feel sorry for them.

So Scott: cry, scream, punch a pillow, talk to others, do whatever you have to do to get thru just one day. One day at a time. Heck, one hour at a time! Like Gretta's mom said....rest, eat something, and just breathe. You are stronger than you think. And we are all here to help you through.