Struggling Options

[scott]

Hi all im new to this forum but i was franticly searching the internet for help regarding grieving.

I lost my beloved friend and family member a couple of days ago Wednesday 9th May, my beloved Tess. She was a Labrador/border collie cross. I dont like saying "pet" as she wasn't a pet, i even refused to put a collar on her as she wasn't my property, she was my friend. But i knew the day was coming and informed my parents to take her to the vets if she needed too without me knowing as i couldn't handle it and she hated the vets. My parents got her for me when i was 11 years old, i am now 26 so she was coming up 15 years old. Thats what makes it hard, i had her with me from a young age growing up with me through a lot of important stages in my life and now shes not here....

During her life she battled through cataracts, severely poor hearing later on, arthritis, and the worst when she was around 11, pyometra which resulted in emergency surgery and the vet said it was a miracle she survived and that she was a fighter. She fully recovered but recently became victim to old age, losing her balance every now and then, sleeping most of the day, walking around in the same pattern like she had dementia and began to lose control of her bowels by pooping in the house.

My parents took her to the vets Wednesday morning whilst i was still asleep and the vet said she was ready to go to sleep :'( I was told by my parents as i awoke and they had already done it and come home. I feel guilty that i wasn't there for her as she was my soul mate and i just know she would have been wondering where i was.

I have had her through most of my life and now coming downstairs, shes not there any more I wont even walk or stand in the area of the living room where her bed was. A weird and horrible thing im experiencing is, when i go to places such as out for the day shopping with my partner every shop i walk in to makes me think of her. Even though i had never took Tess to that shop, I get this thought of "The last time we shopped here, Tess was still alive" and when i watch a popular tv show i think "The last time we watched this was only last week and Tess was still here" I cant stop this from happening and it upsets me every time. There is still bits of her hair hiding in cracks and crevices.

I dont know how to cope without her...

[scott]

Hi all.

Firstly i want to sincerely thank Gretta's mom, moon beam and Kristin M. Your replies have been beutiful and mean a lot. Some people don't understand the bond we have with them and I dont want to count the amount of times iv heard the dreaded "Its just a dog" speech!! I loved Tess more than I loved many so called humans.

And I 100% agree, no soul mate, friend, family member is just a pet or our slaves. I remember refusing to put a collar on her and saying that the collar is just a tag to prove I own her and I DO NOT own her. I just invited her to be a part of my family and she accepted.

I have many pictures of Tess around the house but not many on this computer as its quite new. But the couple I do have remind me of her the most as they were taken not so long ago. She looks old and tired in the pictures but that is how I remember her at the moment and even then she was still loving and I would cuddle up to her on her bed and she still licked my hand and turned over for her stomach rubbed. (her grey hair reminded me of the mask of zorro I used to say "come on zorro" lol )





I don't know what I believe in, but I definatly believe in a higher power of sorts and have already prayed to Tess telling her I love her and miss her. I hope she can hear me...

Now I know how loss feels, I can sympathise with all of you who have lost your loved ones.

And I also now know that there are others who believe like me and love like me.