Struggling Options

[scott]

Hi all im new to this forum but i was franticly searching the internet for help regarding grieving.

I lost my beloved friend and family member a couple of days ago Wednesday 9th May, my beloved Tess. She was a Labrador/border collie cross. I dont like saying "pet" as she wasn't a pet, i even refused to put a collar on her as she wasn't my property, she was my friend. But i knew the day was coming and informed my parents to take her to the vets if she needed too without me knowing as i couldn't handle it and she hated the vets. My parents got her for me when i was 11 years old, i am now 26 so she was coming up 15 years old. Thats what makes it hard, i had her with me from a young age growing up with me through a lot of important stages in my life and now shes not here....

During her life she battled through cataracts, severely poor hearing later on, arthritis, and the worst when she was around 11, pyometra which resulted in emergency surgery and the vet said it was a miracle she survived and that she was a fighter. She fully recovered but recently became victim to old age, losing her balance every now and then, sleeping most of the day, walking around in the same pattern like she had dementia and began to lose control of her bowels by pooping in the house.

My parents took her to the vets Wednesday morning whilst i was still asleep and the vet said she was ready to go to sleep :'( I was told by my parents as i awoke and they had already done it and come home. I feel guilty that i wasn't there for her as she was my soul mate and i just know she would have been wondering where i was.

I have had her through most of my life and now coming downstairs, shes not there any more I wont even walk or stand in the area of the living room where her bed was. A weird and horrible thing im experiencing is, when i go to places such as out for the day shopping with my partner every shop i walk in to makes me think of her. Even though i had never took Tess to that shop, I get this thought of "The last time we shopped here, Tess was still alive" and when i watch a popular tv show i think "The last time we watched this was only last week and Tess was still here" I cant stop this from happening and it upsets me every time. There is still bits of her hair hiding in cracks and crevices.

I dont know how to cope without her...

[moon_beam]

Hi, Scott, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Tess. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed witih the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Please let me try to reassure you that your beloved Tess knows that you love her. Love is not limited to being in one's physical presence, so please know she felt your love for her as she was being released from her failing, frail physical body.

This grief journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is filled with so many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time. It is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. This grief journey is one of adjutment to the physical absence of your beloved Tess, and it can only be traveled one day at a time sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal grief - - very painful, yes, both emotionally and physically -- still very normal. Every day during the deep grief is a reminder that your life is now changed - - it no longer includes the preciuos physical presence of your beloved Tess, and it feel like your life will never be the same again. In many ways it won't be the same - - for how can it be expected to be the same when your heart is broken with the sorrow of loss.

The good news is that your beloved Tess' sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey just as she always has and always will. The love bond you and your beloved Tess share is eternal. It is not limited to the physical laws of time and space. She is forever a part of your heart and memories, Scott, and nothing in heaven or earth can ever change this. Your beloved Tess is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are no words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss that is in your heart, Scott. I can only hope that the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone in your journey. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Tess with us, Scott. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Scott, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam