Please Help With This Unbearable Grief. Options

[ginosmom]

Gino was our beloved yellow lab. He loved everything - life, people, animals, food. He was happy. He was healthy. He was 9 years old.

While in Vancouver with my twelve-year-old son yesterday, Gino and my schnauzer Zeke (best buds) were in the care of my neighbor as they often are when we are out of town. We received a call when still5 hours driving time away that Gino was dead. The neighbor left for the store for 20 minutes and returned home to find Gino had suffocated inside a bag of cat food he'd gotten into. THere was no reviving him.

As we drove frantically home, I was hysterical and not believing what was said. I sent many people, including our vet, up to the house. All confirmed....Gino was gone.

Gino was my best friend. He has been by my side through the darkest times of my life. My divorce. So many things. He and my son grew up together from puppyhood and toddlerhood. He was full of life. He had two cruciate ligament replacement surgeries over the last 2 years, upwards of $10,000, to repair his blown-out knee joints. After each surgery, he was happy. He was like a new dog each time. He never complained about wearing a cone on his head or taking his medicine or limping. He was always just happy.

I had taken him to the dog park every day last week. He ran in the field and swam in the creek and rolled on his back in the grass. I promised to take him to the beach lots this summer, as I've been so busy with my work. THese are all now things we'll never get to do.

I don't understand.

I read through these grief pages and feel compassion for everyone who lost a pet, but what I read is of old pets and sick pets. Not my Gino. He was not old. He was not sick. He had so much life left to live. Why did this happen? WHy did I go away? Why did I leave him?

I DIDN"T EVEN GET TO SAY GOODBYE TO HIM. I didn't tell him I loved him. But I did. Oh how I did.

He was my friend. He kept me safe on the 12 acres of property I live on by myself. My other dog is still with me but nothing is the same. It will never be the same. Can anyone help?

Everyone says they can't imagine what I feel. That isn't helping. I need to hear that others have experienced this grief, this TRAGIC grief, this accident, and that life somehow moved them forward. I can't imagine.

Today we went to the vet's office where his body had been taken. I wasn't going to see him but I had to, to say goodbye. He had been wrapped in plastic and put in the freezer, covered in a blanket. I lay beside the mound of beloved dog that was no longer.......just the body, but the body of the dog I loved with all my heart. THe dog I could've been better to, could've done more for, could've appreciated more. I took for granted he'd always be here. I lay beside him and wept and said goodbye and said thank you. The body smelled badly. I wish I hadn't seen that or smelled that. That isn't my Gino.

Please help me and my son, anyone. Not by saying I have a right to feel sad or that you can't imagine my pain....but something, anytthing that will help. Thank you.

[Bobbie]

Dear Melina/Gino's Mom,

Thank you, again, for letting us know how you are doing. Again, right off the bat, I'm going to tell you that I have never gotten ANY sort of message from any of my eight dogs that lived with me, loved me and passed on to that great place I call Heaven. At first I was sad about that. I thought, what am I doing wrong or what did I do wrong to (insert dog's name) to make him so upset that he won't contact me in any way? I never came across a statue or picture that looked like any of my boys (all C. Spaniels), never "heard" a message to do or listen to anything. As my sister told you, my LS friend, Hermy's Mommy's mother had a dream in which she saw both Hermy (the bunny) and a tan dog (assumed to be Trevor) as best friends. That's as close as I've ever come.

However, Whenever I've gone to the cemetery, over these many years, to fuss with their headstones and decorate their graves (which I do all year long) a sense of comfort slowly inches its was into my heart and I find myself much more content with what I am doing and not quite as many tears fall from my leaky eyes. Oh! I still cry for Trevor and his earlier brother, Rudy, but at their graves the tears are not so hurtful or bitter or I don't know the words I want to use. When I cry(sob) at home, the feeling of loss is sharper, deeper, more acute than when I am closer to my boys physically (although they are all in the ground, of course). I think THAT is the closest I'm ever going to come to "communicating" with my boys. And that's Ok, too, because each time I've lost a boy, I've either had another one already or one comes along soon after.

Boy, I can understand your going to the Vet and having Zeke immunized, tested,, examined head-to-toe, etc. And I really hear you when you say you absolutely do not want anything to happen to Zeke, ever. How old is he? When it is the appropriate time, we will talk about everyone's mortality, including Zeke, Rufus, and my Dreamer and Kelley. But not now. I just thought of something: Zeke's extreme attachment to you right now could possibly be part-Gino checking up on you? Our forever dogs are amazing creatures and we cannot put anything past them.

The shadow box sounds like a loving, beautiful tribute to Mr. Gino. Being able to look at his pictures, his collar, his artificial knees and his bit of fur will ultimately bring you comfort and happiness at the many memories you hold in your hearts (you and your son and Gino). Be sure not to skimp on size - you can always have them make something smaller if you need to. I have only one picture of Trevor up, but it is everywhere in the house (because it's the best picture of him). I have many collages that I have to put together from several of my boys. Talk about a negligent mother???

Good luck with going back home. I'm saying extra prayers for you and Justin today and tonight. You don't have to even pretend to be brave, but I thnk you will actually feel better being closer to Gino's home. Please let me know how it goes - when you are ready. Many years ago, I had a girlfriend who lost her husband at a young age and she stayed at my place (with her 5 y.o. daughter) and other places for over 6 months because she couldn't go back and spend the night. You are doing just fine.

My Trevor died on a Friday and I have found that every single Friday since July 22, 2011 have been sadder than other days of the week. I call it my boulder in the road of my grief journey. I say this only because I don't want you to think anyting badly about yourself if the same thing should happen to you on Sundays from now on. Sometimes it helps to light a candle on that say or spend time hugging his picture or walking in the woods he loved and telling him all of your thoughts and wishes. Whatever feels the most comfortable for you, even if t is nothing, is what you do!

AND FINALLY () I KNOW that Gino is in the safest place possible, short of being in your arms. That heavenly Home that he now shares with every other one of God's creatures who have passed before us, is filled with love, warmth, security, safety, friendship, GOOD food, lots of cool water, and so many other things that make our beloved companions, and even those who have no one to remember them, feel great. I can imagine how much Gino has bragged to the others about you and Justin. I know he is so proud of you and so happy that he got to be your dog! Gino will never hurt again, be scared, worry or feel anything, but love from now on. He hears you, knows what you are thinking, and his Spirit is right beside that big, loving heart of yours. So, don't worry if you don't see or hear from him. He's already a heartbeat next to you. Take the baby steps along your grief journey, knowing that everyone of us at LS is beside, in front, behind, above and below you. I'm especially below you so I can hold you up, as so many others have done for me, whenever and wherever you need me.

Bless you, Melina. (that's a relly pretty name) Until the next post.........................
XOXOxoxo
Bobbie & Trevor

[petloveru]

Dear Melina/Gino's Mom,

Thank you, again, for letting us know how you are doing. Again, right off the bat, I'm going to tell you that I have never gotten ANY sort of message from any of my eight dogs that lived with me, loved me and passed on to that great place I call Heaven. At first I was sad about that. I thought, what am I doing wrong or what did I do wrong to (insert dog's name) to make him so upset that he won't contact me in any way? I never came across a statue or picture that looked like any of my boys (all C. Spaniels), never "heard" a message to do or listen to anything. As my sister told you, my LS friend, Hermy's Mommy's mother had a dream in which she saw both Hermy (the bunny) and a tan dog (assumed to be Trevor) as best friends. That's as close as I've ever come.

However, Whenever I've gone to the cemetery, over these many years, to fuss with their headstones and decorate their graves (which I do all year long) a sense of comfort slowly inches its was into my heart and I find myself much more content with what I am doing and not quite as many tears fall from my leaky eyes. Oh! I still cry for Trevor and his earlier brother, Rudy, but at their graves the tears are not so hurtful or bitter or I don't know the words I want to use. When I cry(sob) at home, the feeling of loss is sharper, deeper, more acute than when I am closer to my boys physically (although they are all in the ground, of course). I think THAT is the closest I'm ever going to come to "communicating" with my boys. And that's Ok, too, because each time I've lost a boy, I've either had another one already or one comes along soon after.

Boy, I can understand your going to the Vet and having Zeke immunized, tested,, examined head-to-toe, etc. And I really hear you when you say you absolutely do not want anything to happen to Zeke, ever. How old is he? When it is the appropriate time, we will talk about everyone's mortality, including Zeke, Rufus, and my Dreamer and Kelley. But not now. I just thought of something: Zeke's extreme attachment to you right now could possibly be part-Gino checking up on you? Our forever dogs are amazing creatures and we cannot put anything past them.

The shadow box sounds like a loving, beautiful tribute to Mr. Gino. Being able to look at his pictures, his collar, his artificial knees and his bit of fur will ultimately bring you comfort and happiness at the many memories you hold in your hearts (you and your son and Gino). Be sure not to skimp on size - you can always have them make something smaller if you need to. I have only one picture of Trevor up, but it is everywhere in the house (because it's the best picture of him). I have many collages that I have to put together from several of my boys. Talk about a negligent mother???

Good luck with going back home. I'm saying extra prayers for you and Justin today and tonight. You don't have to even pretend to be brave, but I thnk you will actually feel better being closer to Gino's home. Please let me know how it goes - when you are ready. Many years ago, I had a girlfriend who lost her husband at a young age and she stayed at my place (with her 5 y.o. daughter) and other places for over 6 months because she couldn't go back and spend the night. You are doing just fine.

My Trevor died on a Friday and I have found that every single Friday since July 22, 2011 have been sadder than other days of the week. I call it my boulder in the road of my grief journey. I say this only because I don't want you to think anyting badly about yourself if the same thing should happen to you on Sundays from now on. Sometimes it helps to light a candle on that say or spend time hugging his picture or walking in the woods he loved and telling him all of your thoughts and wishes. Whatever feels the most comfortable for you, even if t is nothing, is what you do!

AND FINALLY () I KNOW that Gino is in the safest place possible, short of being in your arms. That heavenly Home that he now shares with every other one of God's creatures who have passed before us, is filled with love, warmth, security, safety, friendship, GOOD food, lots of cool water, and so many other things that make our beloved companions, and even those who have no one to remember them, feel great. I can imagine how much Gino has bragged to the others about you and Justin. I know he is so proud of you and so happy that he got to be your dog! Gino will never hurt again, be scared, worry or feel anything, but love from now on. He hears you, knows what you are thinking, and his Spirit is right beside that big, loving heart of yours. So, don't worry if you don't see or hear from him. He's already a heartbeat next to you. Take the baby steps along your grief journey, knowing that everyone of us at LS is beside, in front, behind, above and below you. I'm especially below you so I can hold you up, as so many others have done for me, whenever and wherever you need me.

Bless you, Melina. (that's a relly pretty name) Until the next post.........................
XOXOxoxo
Bobbie & Trevor