Please Help With This Unbearable Grief. Options

[ginosmom]

Gino was our beloved yellow lab. He loved everything - life, people, animals, food. He was happy. He was healthy. He was 9 years old.

While in Vancouver with my twelve-year-old son yesterday, Gino and my schnauzer Zeke (best buds) were in the care of my neighbor as they often are when we are out of town. We received a call when still5 hours driving time away that Gino was dead. The neighbor left for the store for 20 minutes and returned home to find Gino had suffocated inside a bag of cat food he'd gotten into. THere was no reviving him.

As we drove frantically home, I was hysterical and not believing what was said. I sent many people, including our vet, up to the house. All confirmed....Gino was gone.

Gino was my best friend. He has been by my side through the darkest times of my life. My divorce. So many things. He and my son grew up together from puppyhood and toddlerhood. He was full of life. He had two cruciate ligament replacement surgeries over the last 2 years, upwards of $10,000, to repair his blown-out knee joints. After each surgery, he was happy. He was like a new dog each time. He never complained about wearing a cone on his head or taking his medicine or limping. He was always just happy.

I had taken him to the dog park every day last week. He ran in the field and swam in the creek and rolled on his back in the grass. I promised to take him to the beach lots this summer, as I've been so busy with my work. THese are all now things we'll never get to do.

I don't understand.

I read through these grief pages and feel compassion for everyone who lost a pet, but what I read is of old pets and sick pets. Not my Gino. He was not old. He was not sick. He had so much life left to live. Why did this happen? WHy did I go away? Why did I leave him?

I DIDN"T EVEN GET TO SAY GOODBYE TO HIM. I didn't tell him I loved him. But I did. Oh how I did.

He was my friend. He kept me safe on the 12 acres of property I live on by myself. My other dog is still with me but nothing is the same. It will never be the same. Can anyone help?

Everyone says they can't imagine what I feel. That isn't helping. I need to hear that others have experienced this grief, this TRAGIC grief, this accident, and that life somehow moved them forward. I can't imagine.

Today we went to the vet's office where his body had been taken. I wasn't going to see him but I had to, to say goodbye. He had been wrapped in plastic and put in the freezer, covered in a blanket. I lay beside the mound of beloved dog that was no longer.......just the body, but the body of the dog I loved with all my heart. THe dog I could've been better to, could've done more for, could've appreciated more. I took for granted he'd always be here. I lay beside him and wept and said goodbye and said thank you. The body smelled badly. I wish I hadn't seen that or smelled that. That isn't my Gino.

Please help me and my son, anyone. Not by saying I have a right to feel sad or that you can't imagine my pain....but something, anytthing that will help. Thank you.

[moon_beam]

Hi, ginosmom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Ah yes - - the going back to work. Putting on that "public face" and the struggle to get through what needs to be done - - struggling to concentrate and showing some signs of "life" in the process.

Ginosmom, it is IMPOSSIBLE for you to "get over" the physical absence of your beloved Gino because you are his Forever Mom. During his earthly journey YOU were his primary caregiver of all of his needs - - feeding, grooming, medical care, exercise, emotional support. The bond you and your beloved Gino developed is eternal - - there is no "getting over" eternal love.

Ginosmom, there is no "sense" to this grief journey, particularly during the time of surviving the deep seering pain that is in your heart. Please let me try to offer you some reassurance that the grief you are feeling is NORMAL - - I assure you you are NOT losing your mind. This grief journey is filled with many ups and downs, twists and turns and turnarounds it can literally make us feel like we are going insane. This is why it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride.

Please know you are NOT alone in your grief journey, ginosmom. Each of us are here with you, for you, and beside you as you travel your journey. Through our individual and collective strength we will embrace you to hold you up when you can no longer stand, we will walk each step with you and catch you when you feel you cannot take another step forward. We are here to share your worst days, your not so bad days, and your better days. We are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope you are able to endure through today, ginosmom. I promise you there will come a time eventually when the deep seering pain will ease. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam