My Baby Boy :( Options

[xxForeverxx]

Hi everyone

I have been reading the forum topics on here for about a week now as I have been trying to find advice on how to cope with my loss and I think the time is right now to tell my story.

My cat was called Chewy. We got him when he was a kitten as the family that had his sister couldn't cope with them both so I couldn't resist his cute mischievous looks. He moved in with me and my fiancé. Straight away we knew he was special. He used to play fetch. We would throw a toy mouse, he would run and get it and then bring it back to us and drop it at our feet.

Now I'm a student and I only work part time around it so I have spent most of my time at home for the last 2 and a half years so Chewy has been my best friend cuddling up to me in the mornings, laying with my when I'm working on the laptop, laying outside with me in the summer. Everything I did, I thought about my baby boy first. For example if we were going out my first thing would be right see if I can get Chewy in or give him a stroke before I go out. When I came home from places I would just be thinking about seeing my Chewy. Even when me and my fiancé went on holiday for 2 weeks everyday I kept saying I miss my Chew Chew. EVERYTHING I did I thought of my mr Chew Chew first.

Then last year me and my fiancé found out we would be moving so all year we had been looking for the perfect family house.....as we were planning on starting a family this year. Still my first thoughts when looking at houses though was will it be suitable for Chewy, what's the road like, the garden etc

Finally we view a house in august and the house and garden are perfect the only thing I was worried about was the road....even though I was not a main road. But we decided as there was a wood near by it would be fine and Chewy has always had good road sense.

December 12th comes and we move. We let him out the following Sunday after a week and he settles in well playing with next door neighbours cat. Had a fab Christmas and new years eve and day I was the happiest girl on the planet with my house and lil family and plans for the year. Then tragedy strikes.

January 2nd Chewy had spent the night on the bed with us and then my fiancé let him out at about half 8. I was doing the washing getting ready to go into town with my dad and I heard a meow, the type when two cats are watching each other. So I went outside to see what Chewy was doing and he was underneath next door neighbours car with the other cat. I saw a tiny bit of blood and assumed they had had a lil fight. I brought him out from underneath the car and noticed something was badly wrong. Took him inside and he tried to drag his backside to the kitchen. But gave up and just laid there. I got my fiancé home and we rushed him to the emergency vets. He had ben attacked. His tail was fractured and they weren't sure about how his toilet abilities would be like. We left him there thinking he would be fine. They mentioned amputating his tail but I didn't care as long as he survived. Then the next morning we had to transfer him to our local vets and he was meowing in the car so we thought he would be fine. The vet said it looked worse than she thought. I told her to go ahead with the tail surgery about midday knowing he might not make it. He made it but they decided the damage was to severe to his back so he wouldn't have a good quality of life. Putting him down at 3 and a half was the hardest thing I have done. All because of a dog....the one thing I never thought. Would lose my Chewy to!

And now I'm lost. I can't eat, think, socialise. I can't stop crying. I don't want to be without him. I can't imagine have a baby this year anymore. And then there's the kittens. We pulled them out of a ditch last summer, Chewy wasn't impressed to start with and now I feel like I shouldn't have given him at least his last 8 months or so without them. Baring in mi d when Chewy was in the house I always gave my heart to him first. I am now broken, my heart is broken.

I'm sorry it is so long.

xxForeverxx

[xxForeverxx]

My Chewy

I wanted to stop by and say how much I miss you. Although it seems to get easier carrying out activities getting upset it doesn't stop me having a little cry for you when I'm driving home or on my own. It still hurts that I couldn't do anything to help you. But then part of me does understand now that hints happen out of our control and you know I would have given the world to get you back. One thing I do keep thinking though....I spent so much time loving you, worrying about you when I was out of the house, doing everything for you first over anything else or anyone else in the house (not because you were needy but because I love you and you gave me something better....unconditional love) maybe I was punished for loving you to much and being too paranoid about losing you.....and maybe that is why you were so cruelly taken from me....to teach me a lesson that bad things happen know matter what.....I know I shouldn't think like that baby but. Ant help it sometimes as I have to wander why it happened.

Anyways I love you baby....forever and one day we will meet again.

xxForeverxx

[DannysMom]

My Chewy

I wanted to stop by and say how much I miss you. Although it seems to get easier carrying out activities getting upset it doesn't stop me having a little cry for you when I'm driving home or on my own. It still hurts that I couldn't do anything to help you. But then part of me does understand now that hints happen out of our control and you know I would have given the world to get you back. One thing I do keep thinking though....I spent so much time loving you, worrying about you when I was out of the house, doing everything for you first over anything else or anyone else in the house (not because you were needy but because I love you and you gave me something better....unconditional love) maybe I was punished for loving you to much and being too paranoid about losing you.....and maybe that is why you were so cruelly taken from me....to teach me a lesson that bad things happen know matter what.....I know I shouldn't think like that baby but. Ant help it sometimes as I have to wander why it happened.

Anyways I love you baby....forever and one day we will meet again.

xxForeverxx

xxForeverxx, what a sweet and loving letter you wrote to your Chewy! What happened to your precious Chewy was very very traumatic. It was an unexpected death and a shock. xxForeverxx, you are trying to make sense of this tragic event and asking why it happened. This side of heaven we may never know why some things happened, but I don't believe you were punished for loving Chewy too much. God is Love -- that means his very nature is to be loving, and when we show these little creatures of his so much love and care that is always a good thing. It is human nature trying to make sense out of tragic events, trying to find some sort of explanation that will satisfy us in some small measure. It is also human nature to have some sense of being in control of our lives in some way.

I am so sorry that you are hurting so much. Please know that your beloved Chewy is right there in your heart and the sweet memories of him will be with you always.

Hugs,
DannysMom