Norton's Mum, A Long Journey Options

[Norton's Mum]

Hi, I've been coming to this site for quite a while now and reading the posts has helped me feel less alone. I now would like to share my story with you to see what you think. I got my labrador Norton when he was two years old from a lady who wanted to rehome her two dogs as she had a young baby. Norton settled in with us straight away and was loved from the second we got him. He had been an outside dog with his previous owners, only going in the house at bedtime but he soon loved being given the run of the house and garden with us. We live not far from the beach and glens and Norton loved swimming in the sea and running in the glens. He started limping not long after we got him and I thought he'd just jarred his leg because he loved having us throw his ball so he could chase it. I took him to the vets and after x-rays he was diagnosed as having degenerative bone disease, and the vet said it was likely he was born with it. The vet tried several different medications but they either made Norton sick or gave him diarhea; even his pain relief tablets gave him an upset stomach. Anyway, he seemed fine and I opted for putting him on Cortiflex from the pet store instead of anything from the vets. The vet told me he'd probably get bad round about age 6-7 but Norton lived to be 11 1/2, so I feel I must have done something right. I got used to him limping about, he'd done it since I got him. He was always keen to go for walks and play with his ball for many years. The trouble is I feel I let him down in the last 6-8 months of his life and I have carried this guilt for 3 1/2 years. I am now starting to forgive myself and feel better but it has been a long, long journey. I was so glad I found this site as at times I felt almost suicidal. The vet put Norton on Metacam when he was about 9 1/2 - 10 year old and that seemed to help him as he was showing signs of being in pain - the cortiflex obviously wasn't working so well then. At age 10 Norton had to have a big operation as he had a large fatty lump which by now was starting to press on his internal organs. This operation cost me £1,000 but was worth every penny as he seemed happier afterwards. The Christmas before the August Norton was put to sleep I had to put my Christmas presents on my credit cards as I didn't have the cash to buy them. I'd been a single parent for many years and had to rely on my credit cards as my ex-husband never paid anything for my two sons. I'm not using that as an excuse though. After Christmas, having large credit card debts, I decided to not buy the cortiflex and keep Norton just on the Metacam, and this is where part of my guilt lies. Norton started to go downhill but I didn't notice until the vet sat me down and told me it was time to let him go. I'd arranged for the vet to come and cut his nails at home as I knew I wouldn't be able to get him in the car - this was just one week before he had to be put to sleep - what was I thinking! I always worried about his nails getting long in case they hurt him. I felt like he'd gone downhill because I stopped the cortiflex and I felt like I'd helped him die. On top of that I rushed him on his walk some mornings because I had to get to work and on a night I marched him up and down on the grass wanting him to do his business and I should have taken him down the lane where we always went. Whether he would have managed that by this time I don't know but I just didn't think. It was as if part of my brain knew he wasn't good and the other part just carried on as if everything was fine. I loved Norton with all my heart and will always love and miss him. I know I gave him a good life but I have tortured myself over the things I got wrong. Sorry for the long post. Please don't judge me too harshly.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Norton's Mum, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Norton. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions on this side of eternity - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Norton's Mum, this grief adjustment journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is filled with so many different emotions oftentimes overwhelming us all at once. Unfortunately guilt is one of the emotions each of us go through, and it is one of the hardest to reconcile. Norton's Mum, please let me try to reassure you that you did the very best you could for your beloved Norton with the information and resources you had at the time. Your beloved Norton understands this, and is eternally grateful for the love you gave him during his earthly journey - - and continue to have for him in your heart.

Norton's Mum, we are mere mortals. We do possess the privilege of foreknowlege. We do not know the circumstances that will present when our companions can no longer be with us. When we begin to understand that our companions are in the process of transitioning home to the angels we also begin a journey known as Anticipatory Grief. This holds a myriad of all different kinds of emotions, and sometimes ones that we never thought we would ever have. Tempers flare, we say things we truly do not mean - - but are said nonetheless out of fear and anger of the situation - - NOT because we no longer love our companions or because we no longer want them with us. What we REALLY want is for them to ALWAYS BE WITH US and we HATE seeing their physical bodies become infirmed with illness and the course of age. Your beloved Norton understands this, and please believe me when I say to you that in NO WAY did you ever short-change him or betray his trust.

When our companions come into our hearts our lives are changed for the better. They give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them without reservation and without any fear of rejection. When they precede us to the angels our lives are changed again. We are faced with the agonizingly painful journey - - both physically and emotionally - - of adjusting our continued earthly journey without their sweet physical presence. The good news is that the love bond we share with our beloved companions is not limited to the physical laws of time and space. The love bond you and your beloved Norton share is eternal, and your beloved Norton's sweet Living Spirit is forever with you in your heart and your memories. He is forever a part of you, and continues to share your earthly journey just as he always has and always will. He is forever a heartbeat close to you.

Norton's Mum, please let me try to reassure you that you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. There are no judgments made here, Norton's Mum. Please know this is a safe place where you can share whatever is in your heart and on your mind - - whatever you feel comfortable sharing with us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Norton with us. Perhaps sometime you may feel up to sharing a picture(s) of him - - but only if / when you feel up to it. I hope today is being kind to you, Norton's Mum, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Norton's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Norton's Mum, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam