My Danny Boy Is Gone, post about my cat Danny's death Options

[DannysMom]

I am new to this forum. Having read some of the posts I feel safe to post about my cat Danny. It seems that the people in this forum really do care and are trying to help each other. It has been over a month since my cat Danny died, but I still miss him so much, and it is hard to get the last vet visit out of my head. This was the first time that I had seen one of my pets die, and the pain was almost unbearable. That very night I drove around, found an isolated spot to park and just broke down in tears. I was calling out his name over and over again, and with each scream it hurt so much. I feel terribly guilty over his death. I feel that I have failed him. I should have kept his weight down more and never let him get so overweight to begin with. Danny was always a good eater, but somehow things got out of hand, and at one time he weighed 19 pounds. His ideal weight would have been 12 pounds. I managed to slowly get him down to 17 and watched his portions more. He was three months shy of his 11th birthday when he died. Danny was a beautiful, gentle Tuxedo cat.

He started eating less the week of Christmas. We had the roofers for a few days at that time, so I thought it was just stress that he ate less and hid under the bed a lot. But on Christmas Day I knew something was terribly wrong. He wouldn't eat or drink. He tried to, but he just couldn't. Danny was very lethargic. He was hiding a lot, and when he jumped up on a chair he cried out in pain. I took him to the 24 hour emergency pet clinic. They did an x-ray and the vet on call thought he might have pancreatitis. The vet also noticed that his heart was enlarged, but she thought nothing of it. I left him at the 24 hour place and they put him on an IV. The next day he had an ultrasound, and the internist found that he had cardiomyopathy, and that he was in congestive heart failure. His liver was inflamed, and he was going into hepatic lipidosis (fatty liver), because he wouldn't eat. They changed the meds on him and managed to stabilize him, but he still wouldn't eat the next day. When I talked to the internist about putting a feeding tube into him, the vet replied that it was contraindicative because it would stress out his heart even more. Well, how in the world were these doctors expecting him to get better without food? They were taking my money, but offered no real solutions, and the internist hedged when I inquired about Danny's long term prognosis. After talking it over with my regular vet (he had seen all the paperwork on Danny from the 24 hour place), I made the decision to euthanize him. After Danny was gone, my vet said that I had made the right decision, because he had been a very, very sick cat.

Still, I wonder. I am angry at the incompetence of the vets at the 24 hour place. Why did that first doctor think nothing of his enlarged heart? Was it really true that they couldn't force feed him because of his heart? I wish I could get an answer to that. When I picked up Danny from the 24 hour place to take him to be euthanized I felt so bad. His green eyes looked so bright and lively again, and he ##ed his head and kept looking at me and seemed happy to see me. He had an accident in his carrier in the car, and that happened frequently on trips to the vet as he was always so scared to go there. He kept crying and pawing at the carrier door. My heart was breaking and I wondered if he knew. I was beside myself. Not my Danny boy. Not this sweet, gently, loving cat who hopped on my bed every morning and licked my arm. Let it be me, but not him!

He seemed agitated when my vet gave him the tranquilizer shot. He was moving his head back and forth. He seemed so much to want to live, and to this day I still question my decision, even though my vet said that I had made the right decision. I just have no peace about it, none at all. He went quickly. I stayed with him, petted his head and told him that I loved him. When he was gone his eyes stayed open. It was a very traumatic experience for me to see his lifeless little body and his empty, lifeless eyes staring into nothing. It haunts me to this day, and I am crying even now as I type this. Danny was a gift from heaven. He was a sweet and loving cat, very gentle, and he always seemed to be so much at peace with himself and the world. I have never seen that in any of my other cats. Every time I looked into his eyes my heart would just melt. He radiated love and peace, and I was so privileged to have known this gentle soul.

When he died something in me died with him. I have lost interest in most everything. I am very depressed and can't seem to snap out of it. I feel I should have done more. I feel that I have failed my Danny boy.

[Pippin's Mom Kel]

Danny's Mom,

Your Danny was such a handsome boy! I can just see his shining personality even in his pictures. How very much he must have loved you!

I'm so sorry that you had to go through a difficult experience with the emergency vet. When we lost our Horatio, we felt much the same way about the place to which we had brought him - we ended up transferring him to the local veterinary college small animal hospital on the last day he was with us. Took the kitty ambulance with him and all. I felt a great deal of anger toward the emergency vet who I felt shuffled us through a million doctors, and every day it was something new they suspected, and our little Horatio just kept getting worse. No continuity of care! That was so frustrating. We wouldn't take another cat back there if it were the last clinic on earth.

I will say, given my recent experience with Pippin, that it sounds like you did the right thing for Danny by not allowing them to place a feeding tube. It doesn't sound like it would have changed the very unfortunate outcome, and it would have been just one more procedure for Danny to have had to endure. You knew your little man the best. Trust that you did what was right for him. I can't imagine Danny would disagree!

I'm so very sorry for your loss, Danny's mom. Those tuxedo boys - little heartbreakers, aren't they? So much love and life and personality. He's near your heart now, watching over you.

[DannysMom]

Danny's Mom,

Your Danny was such a handsome boy! I can just see his shining personality even in his pictures. How very much he must have loved you!

I'm so sorry that you had to go through a difficult experience with the emergency vet. When we lost our Horatio, we felt much the same way about the place to which we had brought him - we ended up transferring him to the local veterinary college small animal hospital on the last day he was with us. Took the kitty ambulance with him and all. I felt a great deal of anger toward the emergency vet who I felt shuffled us through a million doctors, and every day it was something new they suspected, and our little Horatio just kept getting worse. No continuity of care! That was so frustrating. We wouldn't take another cat back there if it were the last clinic on earth.

I will say, given my recent experience with Pippin, that it sounds like you did the right thing for Danny by not allowing them to place a feeding tube. It doesn't sound like it would have changed the very unfortunate outcome, and it would have been just one more procedure for Danny to have had to endure. You knew your little man the best. Trust that you did what was right for him. I can't imagine Danny would disagree!

I'm so very sorry for your loss, Danny's mom. Those tuxedo boys - little heartbreakers, aren't they? So much love and life and personality. He's near your heart now, watching over you.

Hello Kel, and thank you so very much for taking the time to stop by and write me this note. I appreciate you recognizing little Danny's shining personality! That is really so true! He was kind of like a noble little kitty knight, a very loyal little boy who stayed with his 'sister' Tina when she was sick and would not leave her side. He was a very gentle cat, loved getting his tummy rubbed!

Thank you for sharing your experience with Horatio. I am sorry that you had to go through such a bad experience at the emergency vet. I think these emergency and referral centers exist just to primarily make money. And you are so right about them shuffling the kitties from doctor to doctor just to see what else they could diagnose.

Kel, thank you for your comfort and support. The tuxedo boys are indeed little heartbreakers. I loved Danny's bright green eyes and his long whiskers. He was extremely handsome! I now have a little Tuxedo girl with amber eyes. She has a cute little doll face, and I call her 'my little puppet'. At first I thought:"A girl?!" But I think it worked out better that way. I probably would have compared another Tuxedo boy to Danny, and they need to be appreciated for who they are. Each one has their own unique personality.

I am so glad that you could take your Pippin to Tufts. It is a good place. I've had a wonderful experience with their pet loss hotline.

[Pippin's Mom Kel]

Hello Kel, and thank you so very much for taking the time to stop by and write me this note. I appreciate you recognizing little Danny's shining personality! That is really so true! He was kind of like a noble little kitty knight, a very loyal little boy who stayed with his 'sister' Tina when she was sick and would not leave her side. He was a very gentle cat, loved getting his tummy rubbed!

Thank you for sharing your experience with Horatio. I am sorry that you had to go through such a bad experience at the emergency vet. I think these emergency and referral centers exist just to primarily make money. And you are so right about them shuffling the kitties from doctor to doctor just to see what else they could diagnose.

Kel, thank you for your comfort and support. The tuxedo boys are indeed little heartbreakers. I loved Danny's bright green eyes and his long whiskers. He was extremely handsome! I now have a little Tuxedo girl with amber eyes. She has a cute little doll face, and I call her 'my little puppet'. At first I thought:"A girl?!" But I think it worked out better that way. I probably would have compared another Tuxedo boy to Danny, and they need to be appreciated for who they are. Each one has their own unique personality.

I am so glad that you could take your Pippin to Tufts. It is a good place. I've had a wonderful experience with their pet loss hotline.

Danny sounds like he was such a sweet boy, Danny's mom. I know you must have a huge void in your life, and my heart aches that you have to be without his physical presence.

It was tough to go through that with Horatio, and to wonder if something got missed in the shuffle, but I've come to accept that it probably wouldn't have changed anything. That doesn't make it a whole lot easier, though. In fairness to the emergency centers, there is one near me that has been a godsend - they are fantastic, and though expensive, they were great about working with us to ensure Pippin got the best care. I just wish everyone could find such a fantastic resource, you know? I wish no one else had to go through the frustration and uncertainty we did with Horatio (and that you did).

It's probably a very good thing you found a tuxedo girl, instead of another boy (or should I say, she found you!). I don't think you would compare them, but at least this way, you know for sure you're not.

How is your Tammy doing?