I Miss My Kitty So Much... Options

[Bud's Dad]

6 days ago, the one thing I have feared happened. I took my best friend to the vet because he had lost alot of weight. He wasn't feeling well and he wasn't eating. I was at the vet with him for about 3 hours. My emotions ranged from hopeful to crying my eyes out. And with all the preparing I could have done in those 3 hours, it wasn't enough. The vet said my kitty was sick and that he was not going to get better. There were treatment options, but the vet did not give Bud, my cat, a very good chance to survive. She also did not believe my cat would have survived the night. So, I made the decision to end his suffering and let my kitty go in peace.

I was in the room when the vet ended his life and to this day I cannot get that image out of my mind. I was able to pet and talk to him... and knowing I was the last thing he saw makes things even worse for me. I have had nightmares every night about that image thus I have not been sleeping well at all. I worry all the time wondering if I made the right decision... did I give up and Bud would have come through everything just fine. Did I make this decision too fast instead of thinking and deciding a better course of action. I asked the vet outright "If this was your pet, what would you do?". She answered she would put him to sleep. She stated that Bud most likely had a 20% chance to survive if I had opted to admit him into the hospital. The other option was to treat him at home, but she didn't believe he would have survived at all.

Officially, he had a very severe UTI. It came on very sudden. The vet did every test and besides the UTI, he was "healthy". But, with the weightloss, she believed he may have had cancer. Testing for cancer would cost alot of money and if it was, there was no way I could afford to treat cancer. According to the vet, this was the very best choice I could have made, yet I doubt it every second of the day. All I know is I lost my best friend for the past 8 years. I adopted Bud when he was 6 years old (or so they say) which would make him about 14. I was also told he was a male cat. I found out about 2 hours before I had him put down that he was actually a she. Knowing this, Bud could have been older than 14 for all I know.

It is so hard for me to come into the house because I know he's not here to welcome me and it kills me inside to know this. There have been a few times where I have gone looking for him... even though I know he's not here. I can't go to bed at night until my sleeping pills are making me pass out because Bud isn't here to cuddle up with me at night. I feel a huge hole in my heart and I feel lost without him. I live with my girlfriend who has 4 other cats but none of them are "mine". They have all chosen her to be their owner.

By the way, I know earlier I said that Bud turned out to be a she and yet in many places I have said he. This is because in my eyes, Bud is a he lol.

Thanks for reading and for any advice you can give.

Brian

[DannysMom]

6 days ago, the one thing I have feared happened. I took my best friend to the vet because he had lost alot of weight. He wasn't feeling well and he wasn't eating. I was at the vet with him for about 3 hours. My emotions ranged from hopeful to crying my eyes out. And with all the preparing I could have done in those 3 hours, it wasn't enough. The vet said my kitty was sick and that he was not going to get better. There were treatment options, but the vet did not give Bud, my cat, a very good chance to survive. She also did not believe my cat would have survived the night. So, I made the decision to end his suffering and let my kitty go in peace.

I was in the room when the vet ended his life and to this day I cannot get that image out of my mind. I was able to pet and talk to him... and knowing I was the last thing he saw makes things even worse for me. I have had nightmares every night about that image thus I have not been sleeping well at all. I worry all the time wondering if I made the right decision... did I give up and Bud would have come through everything just fine. Did I make this decision too fast instead of thinking and deciding a better course of action. I asked the vet outright "If this was your pet, what would you do?". She answered she would put him to sleep. She stated that Bud most likely had a 20% chance to survive if I had opted to admit him into the hospital. The other option was to treat him at home, but she didn't believe he would have survived at all.

...


Brian

Hello Brian, please allow me to offer to you my sincere sympathies on the loss of you precious 'Bud'. I know what you are going through as I had to make the same decision for my beloved Danny last December just a few days after Christmas. I know exactly what you mean about you being the last thing Bud saw and how traumatizing that was for you. I too could not get that image out of my mind of seeing my beloved Danny boy's lifeless body lying there on that steel table and his open eyes staring into nothing. It haunted me for weeks and it caused me great pain. I too questioned my decision, and my vet also told me that I had made the right decision. I have some comfort in that I spared my sweet Danny boy further pain and suffering. Your grief is still so fresh and raw, and it will hurt for a while. Please know that we are here for you to offer support and comfort during this difficult time. It hurts so much because we love them so much, but please know that your precious 'Bud' is made whole again in the company of the angels as my friend moon_beam would say.
Words are so inadequate, I know, but I am hoping that you know you are not alone in this and that we are here for you.