Tom And Me, The Beginning, The Making of a Pet Parent Options

[Tom's Dad]

Those of you that have read my early posts shortly after the passing of my Sir Thomas are aware I was, to say the least, not at my best with him toward the end. It was like that too in the beginning....

It started in the summer of 2005. A female friend I had made over the internet who lived in another city was lamenting her poor lot in life and longed to move to either Lexington or Louisville (the 2 largest in Kentucky, the latter being my home) to get a fresh start. But she lacked the resources to even begin. I decided to try to help her out and offer her a place to stay free of charge until she got on her feet. Enter Tom. He was a cat she had gotten from a friend, neighbor, or co-worker (who can keep it all straight) Seems he had wandered into her yard lost and alone. At the time, I also had a cat, Miss Kitty (a story for another time) Tom was fearful of strangers, men especially which I found out to my chagrin when I tried to pick him up and he slapped my glasses clear across the room. He would run, hide, hiss, and growl. Her solutiion? Beat him up and toss him in his carrier. For reasons I still cannot comprehend, not only did I go along with it, I even teased him a bit when in said carrier. He would hiss and growl and swat. But, one evening in his "time out" we made eye contact. He looked at me, sad and forelorn. If he could speak I would almost swear he was saying "Why are you mocking me? Can you not see that I am just so very scared?"

At that moment it's like a switch inside me was flipped. I opened the carrier door and let him free. I announced to my "house guest" this was MY apartment where I pay the bills and she is just a guest, free of charge. I went on to state that the nightly beatings and throwing into the carrier were OVER! If Tom wants to hide, then he shall be allowed to do so and come out and about in his own time and way. Each night after that I would bring treats to the edge of the chair under which he liked to hide. Each night I could get just a little closer, until eventually he was taking them right out of my hand. At that point I told him I was sorry for the poor treatment and that I knew what it was like to be mistreated due to simply being misunderstood. I made an effort to get to know him as an individual. Not just what his "owner" thought he should be. From then on, we were inseparable. On the day she came with her family to collect her things (with police escort at my insistance, also another story) he hid until they had gone.

All of my life I've had and been around cats. I was fond of every one of them. But I now know that all those years, I was a pet owner, not a pet parent. It was not until Tom came along and through our love and bond that I was transformed into a pet parent. Without his influence I would not be the pet parent I am now to Theresa and Tang.

Be well at the Bridge my friend, Sir Thomas. You made a better person of me and you are missed.....

[xxForeverxx]

Hi Tom's Dad

I have followed your earlier stories although always kept quiet. I just wanted to say how in the end it did not matter how you started off with Sir Thomas. You gave him so much love and did the one thing that by the sounds of it was not possible and made him love a male! If you had allowed your baby to go with that woman he would not, for a fact, have had the life you gave him as he would have still been shoved in the carrier etc and neglected. You taught him to trust again. You gave him a reason to love you and by the sounds of it he taught you a few things too which is one of the things I have realised after losing my Chewy. Our animals teach us so many more things then we realise. I am sure he is at the bridge telling you not to be so hard on yourself about the beginnings and the ends, which compared to the rest of the journey you shared together, does not really matter.

My deepest sympathies for your loss but also I am glad to be hearing the good things with Theresa and Tang.

xxForeverxx