I Keep Reliving It Options

[kelgirl9903]

I had to put my precious cat Libby down on Tues of this week. She had some sort of lung disease we fought for almost 2 yrs. She was comfortable until the end when her breathing got out of control and she was using her abdomen to help her breathe. I knew without a doubt I had done everything for her that I could and my vet confirmed this. However as prepared as I thought I was to hold my sweet girl and watch her drift away for the last time it did not go nearly the way I thought it would or had been told it would. Just about everyone I talk to says they pretty much just close their eyes and go to sleep for the final time. However, to my dismay my poor Libby fought...she tried to climb me and was gasping for air and gagging. It was the most horrible thing I have seen. I did feel at peace for her once all was quiet and her discomfort stopped. However I still feel so guilty and am making myself sick worrying that she was so scared in her last moments. I feel like I let her down. Did anyone else have an experience like this and/or is this normal? I need to stop reliving this and let her spirit rest in peace within me. Help!

[Misha's Mommy]

Kelgirl,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss of Libby.

I had a similar experience with my dog, Misha, who I let go last August 5th. She had been going downhill for 2 & 1/2 years with various health problems. She could barely walk at the end, and whenever she did walk, it was obvious she was in pain, even with all the pain medication she was getting. Her passing was not peaceful and I still have regrets about when I took her in. She fought the sedative (the first injection) - even tried to get up and walk, among other things. It was horrible for me to watch and it's very difficult for me to write about now. I felt such intense guilt for many weeks afterward. I, too, wondered if she was afraid and if it really was the right time. I felt like I had betrayed her.

It's been almost 6 months. The guilt is not as intense now. Honestly, the way I'm handling it now may not be the best, or healthiest way. I try not to think of her last moments, because when I do, I feel sick again and begin crying. It's still difficult, but not as raw as it was in the first few weeks.

In time, I hope you'll find peace in the fact that Libby is now pain-free.
My thoughts are with you.
Misha's (and Bowie's) Mommy

[kelgirl9903]

Kelgirl,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss of Libby.

I had a similar experience with my dog, Misha, who I let go last August 5th. She had been going downhill for 2 & 1/2 years with various health problems. She could barely walk at the end, and whenever she did walk, it was obvious she was in pain, even with all the pain medication she was getting. Her passing was not peaceful and I still have regrets about when I took her in. She fought the sedative (the first injection) - even tried to get up and walk, among other things. It was horrible for me to watch and it's very difficult for me to write about now. I felt such intense guilt for many weeks afterward. I, too, wondered if she was afraid and if it really was the right time. I felt like I had betrayed her.

It's been almost 6 months. The guilt is not as intense now. Honestly, the way I'm handling it now may not be the best, or healthiest way. I try not to think of her last moments, because when I do, I feel sick again and begin crying. It's still difficult, but not as raw as it was in the first few weeks.

In time, I hope you'll find peace in the fact that Libby is now pain-free.
My thoughts are with you.
Misha's (and Bowie's) Mommy

I'm sorry for your loss as well. I am going to continue to try to find peace. Thank you so much for sharing with me.
Libby's Mom

[kelgirl9903]

I'm sorry for your loss as well. I am going to continue to try to find peace. Thank you so much for sharing with me.
Libby's Mom

This place is amazing! Thank you all so much for the support you have given me. It is and will continue to be a very difficult loss to bear but I will keep reading all of your kind words and move forward. Thank you again! My thoughts are prayers are with you all as well.
Kelgirl (Libby's Mom)