I Keep Reliving It Options

[kelgirl9903]

I had to put my precious cat Libby down on Tues of this week. She had some sort of lung disease we fought for almost 2 yrs. She was comfortable until the end when her breathing got out of control and she was using her abdomen to help her breathe. I knew without a doubt I had done everything for her that I could and my vet confirmed this. However as prepared as I thought I was to hold my sweet girl and watch her drift away for the last time it did not go nearly the way I thought it would or had been told it would. Just about everyone I talk to says they pretty much just close their eyes and go to sleep for the final time. However, to my dismay my poor Libby fought...she tried to climb me and was gasping for air and gagging. It was the most horrible thing I have seen. I did feel at peace for her once all was quiet and her discomfort stopped. However I still feel so guilty and am making myself sick worrying that she was so scared in her last moments. I feel like I let her down. Did anyone else have an experience like this and/or is this normal? I need to stop reliving this and let her spirit rest in peace within me. Help!

[merlin96]

Dear Kelgirl,

I am so sorry for the loss of your Libby. No matter how much we think we are prepared, it is never easy to lose our beloved friends. I lost my Sweetie to spinal cancer on 1/14 and while my experience wasn't quite the same as yours, it wasn't the completely peaceful one we hope for either. I held her head in my arms as the vet administered the last shot and while Sweetie was calm while receiving the shot -- always my good girl she never acted up at the vets or anywhere else -- once she started feeling the effects of the shot, she started to pant very hard. That only lasted a few second thankfully and then she closed her eyes and was still. After the vet listened to her heart and told me she was gone, she left me alone with Sweetie. I was still holding her head when she swallowed once, then again. I kind of freaked out in there alone with her - sure that the vet made a mistake and left my dog still alive. I sat there with her for a really long time, not wanting to leave her. I watched her to see if she was still breathing (she wasn't). Eventually when I left, I asked the vet, who told me the swallowing was just a reflex. The whole thing was pretty upsetting, though I'm sure not nearly as upsetting as your experience with little Libby. I wish I could say something to make you feel better but maybe if you can, try to remember her in better, happier times. Our animals love us and I think she would want that for you.

You are in my thoughts and prayers --

Sweetie's Mom