My Baby Boy :( Options

[xxForeverxx]

Hi everyone

I have been reading the forum topics on here for about a week now as I have been trying to find advice on how to cope with my loss and I think the time is right now to tell my story.

My cat was called Chewy. We got him when he was a kitten as the family that had his sister couldn't cope with them both so I couldn't resist his cute mischievous looks. He moved in with me and my fiancé. Straight away we knew he was special. He used to play fetch. We would throw a toy mouse, he would run and get it and then bring it back to us and drop it at our feet.

Now I'm a student and I only work part time around it so I have spent most of my time at home for the last 2 and a half years so Chewy has been my best friend cuddling up to me in the mornings, laying with my when I'm working on the laptop, laying outside with me in the summer. Everything I did, I thought about my baby boy first. For example if we were going out my first thing would be right see if I can get Chewy in or give him a stroke before I go out. When I came home from places I would just be thinking about seeing my Chewy. Even when me and my fiancé went on holiday for 2 weeks everyday I kept saying I miss my Chew Chew. EVERYTHING I did I thought of my mr Chew Chew first.

Then last year me and my fiancé found out we would be moving so all year we had been looking for the perfect family house.....as we were planning on starting a family this year. Still my first thoughts when looking at houses though was will it be suitable for Chewy, what's the road like, the garden etc

Finally we view a house in august and the house and garden are perfect the only thing I was worried about was the road....even though I was not a main road. But we decided as there was a wood near by it would be fine and Chewy has always had good road sense.

December 12th comes and we move. We let him out the following Sunday after a week and he settles in well playing with next door neighbours cat. Had a fab Christmas and new years eve and day I was the happiest girl on the planet with my house and lil family and plans for the year. Then tragedy strikes.

January 2nd Chewy had spent the night on the bed with us and then my fiancé let him out at about half 8. I was doing the washing getting ready to go into town with my dad and I heard a meow, the type when two cats are watching each other. So I went outside to see what Chewy was doing and he was underneath next door neighbours car with the other cat. I saw a tiny bit of blood and assumed they had had a lil fight. I brought him out from underneath the car and noticed something was badly wrong. Took him inside and he tried to drag his backside to the kitchen. But gave up and just laid there. I got my fiancé home and we rushed him to the emergency vets. He had ben attacked. His tail was fractured and they weren't sure about how his toilet abilities would be like. We left him there thinking he would be fine. They mentioned amputating his tail but I didn't care as long as he survived. Then the next morning we had to transfer him to our local vets and he was meowing in the car so we thought he would be fine. The vet said it looked worse than she thought. I told her to go ahead with the tail surgery about midday knowing he might not make it. He made it but they decided the damage was to severe to his back so he wouldn't have a good quality of life. Putting him down at 3 and a half was the hardest thing I have done. All because of a dog....the one thing I never thought. Would lose my Chewy to!

And now I'm lost. I can't eat, think, socialise. I can't stop crying. I don't want to be without him. I can't imagine have a baby this year anymore. And then there's the kittens. We pulled them out of a ditch last summer, Chewy wasn't impressed to start with and now I feel like I shouldn't have given him at least his last 8 months or so without them. Baring in mi d when Chewy was in the house I always gave my heart to him first. I am now broken, my heart is broken.

I'm sorry it is so long.

xxForeverxx

[xxForeverxx]

Hi moon_beam and merlin96

Thank you so much for your replies and support. I thought I was doing better, I would have a little cry each day but then do this to take my off it. Then thursday night came and I broke down again and then Friday and I feel like I'm back on auto pilot again. How could this have happened? I should have chosen a better house to move to.....or if I hadn't been so intent on moving from our last house where Chewy was happy in the first place this would not have happened.

Iv been trying to pour the love I can give into my younger cats by buying them toys and new beds etc the hardest thing with them is I'm in a dilemma about letting them out or not now (they have not been outside yet since I got them).

This whole in my heart just makes me feel so sad and nauseous. Like I said before me and my fancy are planning a baby this year....I'm no where near as excited now as even the thought of having a baby makes me think well it won't be the same without my whole family being there and obviously my family is broken now Chewy is gone.

I just feel so down today.

xxForeverxx