I Love You, Trevor Options

[Bobbie]

To my sweet, loving, bravest little dog in the world. To you, my Trevor,


Mommy still thinks about you every minute of every day and hopes that you are having the time of your life. I miss you my little hunky bunky and can't wait to be together again. Uh, oh, my eyes are leaking again. Time for you and me to go to bed.

Good night, my honey, my love, my everything!

XOMommyXO

PS: I LOVE YOU TREVOR!!!!!!!

[Bobbie]

Hi Trevor Forever,

Today marks 13 weeks (1/4 of a year) since we had to part ways. You went over the Rainbow Bridge to Heaven and I had to stay back here on earth. I cannot comprehend how many weeks have passed (and how quickly Firdays come around) because it seems that you died just yesterday. I walk over the place in the dining room where you went to your final physical sleep and picture you lying there, so still and so quiet, so lovely and so sweet. I say a little prayer and know that spot is forever sacred in our house (as are all the other spots where your previous brothers passed up to Heaven).

Oh, my little Trevor, I don't seem to cry as much as I used to. I don't know if that is a change in my meds or my temporarily running out of tears. But my heart aches for you every day and my soul is still crushed. You were a gift straight from God and Rudy. I knew that, but I wish I had expressed my love and gratitude for you more often when you were still with me. You were just like your previous brothers....if mom gave you "too much" attention at that particular moment, you simply got up and walked away! Every one of you did that - guess I didn't take those hints seriously enough. Dreamer hasn't started doing that yet because I think he's too young and still in the Honeymoon phase.

Trevor, when I am playing with Dreamer or taking him for his walk in the school yard or just petting him some times, I feel so very badly that you were not able to enjoy those things with me. You were able to go on walks for that first year and part of the second and I will treasure them forever - stopping to smell every single blade of grass and being scard by a couple of big old pine cones on the sidewalk. I don't take Creamer on the same route because that was "OUR" route. By the time you made it to our home, YOUR home, your brain damage was so bad that you'd forgotten how to "play" at all. How sad for you. But perhaps forgetting is better than knowing and not being able to do it.

I found two of my tee shirts that you used to nibble (very gently) on when you first came to live here and it was time to go to bed. I put a shirt up to the light and all the tiny holes look like shing stars and I remember that time so well. You were always gentle with our things (you used to like to nibble - never tear -the comforter, too. It's still there. Except when the pain got more terrible than the pain meds could control. Oh, how I wish I had that magic wand that instantly takes the pain away and lets you rest. But all I could do was give you more and more pills in little meatballs and wait for their combined action to send you to sleep. You didn't know it, but once the meds rendered you almost unconscious (re: deep sleep), I would lie down next to you on the floor, hold you little paw in my hand and just watch you by the hour, trying to burn your peaceful image into my brain and my memory. I was also sending love "beams" to you so that, when you woke up, you would not be scared or in any pain. I was your mom. I wanted to do this for you, even though I hated the reason behind everything. I NEVER hated you or anything I did for you. I would do it over again in a heartbeat if God asked me to.

Oh, my Trevor boy, I miss you with a pain that never ceases, memories that I hope to keep forever and I cannot wait for the day that we are reunited forever. YOU ARE MY HERO! I LOVE YOU SO VERY, VERY MUCH!

Have a peaceful night, my honey! (unless Friday is party night)

I LOVE YOU, TREVOR!
XOXO your leaky eyed Mommy XOXO