Reality Bites, New kitten blues Options

[notoriouskitty]

Hi everyone...it's been some time since i posted here last but to be honest....iv'e tried to put my loss in little box and lock it away. Well that little box found its way out of its hiding spot!

About 4 weeks ago (yes so soon) i put a deposit down on a new kitten. I couldnt bring myself to own another Siamese so i decided on a Ragdoll. Well everyday i have waited and waited for the kittens to be born and happily they arrived a couple of days ago. You would think i would be over the moon...well i was to start with but now reality has hit...its not my Romeo coming home. Oh i know how idiotic that sounds....of course its not my cat..my cat died...its impossible. But for some reason i guess my brain wanted me to believe he was being reincarnated or something like that. So now the sadness has taken hold and ive honestly for the first time realized he just isn't coming back. I really am looking forward to spending my life with another cat but im also frightened that i won't bond with him..is that crazy? I chose a bred opposite to the Siamese for fear of comparing the new kitten to my Romeo. A couple of people told me to wait but i have this HUGE hole in my heart that needs to be filled. Am i selfish? or are these thoughts normal? I just wish he would visit in a dream to let me know he is alright..every pet ive owned (and people i've lost) have always appeared in a dream and has put me at ease..but not this time...sometimes i think he's angry with me and that's why he hasnt been back.... anyway enough of my ramblings. Hope everyone here is doing well.

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[leejaye]

Hi notoriouskitty, About 6 weeks after I lost my Mischief girl I found a little boy kitten to welcome into my life - like you, I deliberately chose someone very different to my girl so there would be no mistake in my mind that this little guy is an individual in his own right, despite that, I still had jitters and worries and some guilt when I brought him home - I had a chat with him to tell him how special he is and that I love him for himself, he is not a replacement (impossible to replace our lost children), slowly we have formed a bond and i looked at him the other day and thought "we belong to each other". Just give yourselves some time and be easy on yourselves, no way is Romeo angry with you - he'll visit when the time is right. Sending you some good energy tonight, Leejaye

[notoriouskitty]

Hi Leejaye...Thanks for responding to my post. I am going to take your advise on board and have a talk with my new baby when i get him, i just love idea. I know in my heart that Romeo is still with me it's just the not seeing him thats the hardest. It's such a physical ache as you know. I think that voicing my concerns and fears on this forum help to ease the pain even for a little while. And am very grateful to everyone here! Like you said its going to take awhile for the ache to subside to a bearabel level so i have to stop torturing myself with what if's and why not's. I really do hope to have the same bond with the new kitten as i had with Romeo....and i have to remember that the bond i had with him didn't happen over night. I so want to let myself get all excited over a new kitten but i find myself thinking i'm letting the old one go. Thankyou again for your words..they really do mean alot ***