I Hate Mondays, I'm alone again Options

[Misha's Mommy]

I hate Mondays. It means I'm alone, again.

It's been 4 weeks since I lost my precious Bowie and 7 weeks since I let Misha go. I'm still not okay. I cry for Bowie every day. I still wish he'd come back to me. I guess I'm "stuck" in my grieving process and my husband doesn't understand. He moved on in the first week and is looking towards the future, he says, and I'm stuck in the past. He's not a very emotional person and has told me he can't relate to the way I'm feeling. I don't understand how he got over Bowie that quickly. How he doesn't miss them, or doesn't want to talk about them. I feel alone, even when he's around. But, when Mondays come around, I really am alone. Almost 16 years having Misha and Bowie by my side during the day - pretty much my entire adult life - and now, no one. To top it off, my husband is going out of town for a business trip this week and I'm afraid. I haven't been alone, overnight, in almost 16 years. I don't know how I'm going to deal with it.

I guess you need to know that I don't have children. For much of the last 13 years I worked from home, part time, in various jobs. So, I was with my dogs, a lot. And they were my focus. I quit my last job at the end of June this year, because I couldn't do it anymore. The stress of caring for Misha and her deteriorating health/multiple health problems for the last two years, along with trying to be a good mom to Bowie, and trying to keep our home and life in some sort of order, finally got to me and something had to go. A bonus to not working was that I was going to be able to spend all of my time making up the last couple of years to Bowie, once I let Misha go, which I knew was going to be soon. But, that hope, that plan, was ripped away with the cancer diagnosis. And, months ago, in the midst of our life being on hold while Misha was going downhill, my husband was resentful that we couldn't go on vacation. He wanted to escape, which I understood, but I was Misha's caregiver...we weren't going anywhere until she was gone. He came up with his dream vacation and I promised we could do that extended one when Bowie left us - which I thought would be in 3-4 years. The week after we lost Bowie, he booked his dream vacation, with my input, although it was reluctant. And, he wants to take a second one. These trips are 3-4 week long trips that I refuse to take if we have a dog, so we have to take them now. So, I can't get another dog for about a year. After these trips are over. And, no, I'm not excited about them. They'll always be tied to losing my Bowie. Husband is not happy that I'm not excited about the trips.

So, it's Monday, and I'm alone again. I'm having a lot of trouble with that, along with everything I've lost...my babies, my past, my plans for the future, my life, my identity.

Misha's Mommy

[Bobbie]

Dear Misha and Bowie's Mom,

Please accept my deep condolences on the loss of your precious darlings, Misha and Bowie. They sound like little angels (which they now are) and I can understand your incredible grief. I lost my Trevor, the bravest little dog in the world, over 9 weeks ago, and am having just as difficult a time as you are describing. Time does seem to do some healing and I cn be out in public, alone or with our new doggie, and be pretty "normal". But the times alone, esp. at night are harrowing at times. I cry and sob for my little guy and am so torn between wanting to be with him again and wanting him only to be healthy and happy. He was one sick little dog (from abuse) from the day we adopted him until the day we sent him to Heaven over the Rainbow Bridge. We lived together for just 2 years and 2 months.

This grief journey is like nothing I've experienced before. And I've been told it's like the "rollercoaster from hell". I believe it. What you are feeling and going through is NORMAL. OK? NORMAL FOR YOU! Normal for just about everyone on this wonderfully supportive site. You will find that, here, you can say what you want to, ask questions, tell stories, whatever you need and YOU WILL NOT BE ALONE!!!!! It may take some time for us to answer, but there will always be many people to support and understand, guide and hold you. I know, it's been true for Trevor and me.

As for your husband, his philosopy is HIS, not YOURS. And, try as he may, it will never be yours. My husband has had a difficult time with each of our doggies as they get old and sick. I don't know why that is - it just is. So, like you, I take up the slack and care for and adore my dog(s). We have done a bit of talking about our differing attitudes, but can only agree to disagree. I'm holding tight to my philosophy until such time that something more gentle, softer, comforting, etc. comes along to help me. I'm open to that at any time. Perhaps, acknowledging his philosophy as OK for him and YOUR philosophy is OK for YOU may help. No guaratees.

Another thing I do, is have Trevor's pictures up all over the house, in my car and in my wallet. It is comforting to know that they help remind me of him, good times and not-so-good times. I sleep with his picture covered in a piece of his favorite blanket, too. I do the things I have to do to comfort myself because looking for comfort elsewhere can be a difficult task. However, on this blessed site, you will never have that problem.

I have to go for now, but I will be thinking of you and Misha and Bowie all day. I will also tell Trevor to keep an eye out for them "up there"! Please have a bit of peace for yourself today and let us, all, know how you are doing. And when you feel up to it, tell us about Misha & Bowie. OK?

Blessings...............................
Bobbie

PS: Look forward to hearing from Moon_Beam!!!!!!!!

[Misha's Mommy]

Bobbie,
Thank you - I tend to lie in bed forever at night, thinking about them, many times I cry, but not always. I eventually fall asleep and then feel depressed, immediately when I wake up and realize they're gone. Yesterday, I was numb most of the day after I spent the morning crying my eyes out. This numbness tends to happen for a couple of days each week, then I go back to being really emotional.

I'm so sorry about your loss of Trevor, but I'm glad you've also found support here on this forum. I'm the same in never experiencing anything like this before.

I've gotten used to the idea that my husband is finished with his grieving. I don't like it, I don't understand it, but I've gotten used to it. He expects me to be done. And that's the problem right now. He wants to "fix" it, but I told him he can't, and that frustrates him. I feel anger towards him for several different reasons and he's frustrated with me, and that's where we are right now. My numb day yesterday was helpful in that I didn't cry in front of him. It's days like that (along with today) where I feel he thinks I'm all better, but I know the flood is just around the corner and can begin again at any minute.

I do have photos of them all over the place and on my mobile phone. They're always with me in that form. Perhaps I should begin sleeping with one of Bowie's toys...

misha's mommy