I Hate Mondays, I'm alone again Options

[Misha's Mommy]

I hate Mondays. It means I'm alone, again.

It's been 4 weeks since I lost my precious Bowie and 7 weeks since I let Misha go. I'm still not okay. I cry for Bowie every day. I still wish he'd come back to me. I guess I'm "stuck" in my grieving process and my husband doesn't understand. He moved on in the first week and is looking towards the future, he says, and I'm stuck in the past. He's not a very emotional person and has told me he can't relate to the way I'm feeling. I don't understand how he got over Bowie that quickly. How he doesn't miss them, or doesn't want to talk about them. I feel alone, even when he's around. But, when Mondays come around, I really am alone. Almost 16 years having Misha and Bowie by my side during the day - pretty much my entire adult life - and now, no one. To top it off, my husband is going out of town for a business trip this week and I'm afraid. I haven't been alone, overnight, in almost 16 years. I don't know how I'm going to deal with it.

I guess you need to know that I don't have children. For much of the last 13 years I worked from home, part time, in various jobs. So, I was with my dogs, a lot. And they were my focus. I quit my last job at the end of June this year, because I couldn't do it anymore. The stress of caring for Misha and her deteriorating health/multiple health problems for the last two years, along with trying to be a good mom to Bowie, and trying to keep our home and life in some sort of order, finally got to me and something had to go. A bonus to not working was that I was going to be able to spend all of my time making up the last couple of years to Bowie, once I let Misha go, which I knew was going to be soon. But, that hope, that plan, was ripped away with the cancer diagnosis. And, months ago, in the midst of our life being on hold while Misha was going downhill, my husband was resentful that we couldn't go on vacation. He wanted to escape, which I understood, but I was Misha's caregiver...we weren't going anywhere until she was gone. He came up with his dream vacation and I promised we could do that extended one when Bowie left us - which I thought would be in 3-4 years. The week after we lost Bowie, he booked his dream vacation, with my input, although it was reluctant. And, he wants to take a second one. These trips are 3-4 week long trips that I refuse to take if we have a dog, so we have to take them now. So, I can't get another dog for about a year. After these trips are over. And, no, I'm not excited about them. They'll always be tied to losing my Bowie. Husband is not happy that I'm not excited about the trips.

So, it's Monday, and I'm alone again. I'm having a lot of trouble with that, along with everything I've lost...my babies, my past, my plans for the future, my life, my identity.

Misha's Mommy

[moon_beam]

Hi, Misha's Mommy, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical losses of your beloved Bowie and Misha. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing two beloved companions in a short period of time is extremely traumatic.

Our forum friends Jan and Bobbie have shared with you a lot of what is in my heart, so please read their responses to you frequently.

I, too, am very saddened that your husband is not able to offer you more comfort and compassion. As Jan and Bobbie have shared with you, what you are feeling is NORMAL. Clinical professionals now recognize that the physical loss of a beloved companion is as traumatic, if not more so, as the physical loss of a human family member or friend. The grief journey and emotions are identical. Why can it be more traumatic? Because our beloved companions give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention, and we in turn, surrender ourselves to them completely without reservation. Why is this so different than the bond we have with other human relationships? Simply put, human relationships have "expectations" attached to them, and no one person - - however hard they may try - - can fulfill all of our emotional needs at any given time. Our beloved companions, on the other hand, live just for us. Their sole purpose in their earthly journey is to love us just for who we are. They don't care what our social status is, the financial weatlh - - or lack thereof, or the housing arrangements - - be it in a multi-million dollar mansion, a more humble financial abode, - - or a tent, cardboard box or freeway underpass. This is why, among many more reasons, it is so painful - - both emotionally and physically - - when they precede us to the angels.

And it is both an emotinoal and physical painful adjustment in our lives. We live in a physical-oriented world: sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Every time our precious companions touch us - - rub up against us, lick us - - they are imprinting themselves on to us telling the world that they belong to us - - and we belong to them. When we no longer have the precious gift of their physical presence with us, our physical bodies literally experience a withdrawal from their physical touch with us. This is one of the many reasons why it is important for you to find a way to find some form of physical comfort when you feel consumed with the aching to hold your beloved Bowie and Misha. For me, I slept with my beloved companions blankets and collars under my pillow, and held tightly onto them when the deep grief emotions were so overwhelming. Doing this helps to bridge the physical absence and ease the excruciating pain of not being able to hold and touch them. If you have fur from them - - from a brush or as you're cleaning - - pick it up and put it in a plastic baggie so that you can have some of their fur to feel and smell. Please believe me when I say doing this does NOT make you crazy -- but rather will help prevent you from feeling like you are going insane with the grief.

Misha's Mommy, this grief journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. Unfortunately our society barely acknowledges the grieving process for a human family member or friend. After the funeral, the bereaved are expected to "move on" with their lives. Unfortunately, our society in general does not acknowledge the need to grieve for a beloved companion, but I assure you that you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. The terms "move on", "closure", etc., were developed during the beginnings of hospice in this country. I assure you, there is no "moving on" or "closure" to adjusting our lives without our beloved companions. It IS a journey of "ADJUSTMENT" without their precious physical presence with us, and in time - - in your own way and in your own time - - you will make this adjustment, for in making this adjustment the deep grief will ease and you will be able to remember your beloved Bowie and Misha with a happy heart, and this is what your beloved Bowie and Misha want for you. Your beloved Bowie and Misha are FOREVER a part of you, their sweet Living Spirits continue to share your earthly journey just as they always have and always will - - they are forever a heartbeat close to you.

Misha's Mommy, I know I have written a lot to you, and it may seem overwhelming right now. I know there are no words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of grief that is in your heart. But please know you are NEVER alone in your grief journey, Misha's Mommy. We are here for you to share whatever is in your heart and on your mind. Perhaps sometime you would feel up to posting pictures of your beloved Bowie and Misha - - but only when / if you are up to it.

Misha's Mommy, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you will have a peaceful evening, and please do let us know how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam