Grieving Over The Loss Of My Kitty Options

[wendyt]

Hello. I found this site yesterday looking for some help in dealing with the loss of my 2 year old kitty Clouseau. I was very impressed by the outpouring of support to those who have lost their beloved pets.

I adopted my sweet Clouseau as a kitten who had severe health issues. He was found in the woods abandoned by his mom and brought to the rescue group where I fell in love with him. It was hard to resist him - he was the sweetest and most loving kitten. Everyone at the vet loved him. He ended up needing surgery for a hiatal hernia - he was constantly throwing up and would not have survived without this surgery. He made it through surgery at only 4 months old. Twice a day he needed medicine until he was finally able to wean off it when he was one year old.

He was extremely attached to me and became aggressive to others - I'm still not sure why. But he was so devoted to me - if I was somewhere else in the house he would cry until he found me. He followed me everywhere and kept me company, greeting me when I came home by jumping up with his front paws on my leg. He slept with me, pawing at the covers to get under to curl up next to me with his head on the pillow. There are so many more things to say about him. He made me laugh, kept me from being lonely, was just so adorable. I felt so protective of him -- maybe because I nursed him to health and he was so attached to me.

I felt so much guilt this past week that I couldn't save him and that I didn't take him in sooner -- I didn't know. And so sad that he was in emergency with strangers -- he was so scared until I showed up. Now that he's gone, I still worry about him. I dreamt about him trying to find me and I worry that he's all alone. This house is so empty without him. I still have my other kitty Max, but it's not the same. And I worry about Max being alone now. My life for the last week has been at a stand still. I don't want to be at home because it's so hard, yet I don't want to leave Max alone for too long.

I am having a better day today, but I know the waves of overwhelming sadness will come back -- especially the more time I'm at home alone without him. I'm trying to deal with the guilt of not taking him in sooner. It's so hard when you feel like you've betrayed them.

Wendy

[moon_beam]

Hi, wendy, just being able to get caught up with how things are going for you. Coming home after our beloved companion has joined the angels is very hard indeed. The silence is deafening, and the emptiness consuming. Our home no longer feels like "home sweet home". The light of our life is no longer physically present, - - our arms ache to hold them, our eyes yearn to see them, our ears long to hear them, our noses long to smell their fur - - our physical and emotional life has been permanently turned upside down - - and it feels like our lives will never be "right side up" ever again.

I promise you, wendy, one day - - perhaps when you least expect it - - you will find your world "adjusting" to this "new normal" - - and you will know your beloved Clouseau is right there with you as he always has been and always will be. This just takes time, wendy - - one day at a time, one moment at a time. And we are here for you, wendy, through every step of your adjustment journey - - there are no "time limitations" here, wendy. We are here to help you through the difficult moments, to share with you the not so bad moments, and to support you, comfort you, and encourage you through the moments when you feel like you just can't endure the journey any longer.

I hope today is being kind to you, wendy, and that you will have a very peaceful weekend. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam