Grieving Over The Loss Of My Kitty Options

[wendyt]

Hello. I found this site yesterday looking for some help in dealing with the loss of my 2 year old kitty Clouseau. I was very impressed by the outpouring of support to those who have lost their beloved pets.

I adopted my sweet Clouseau as a kitten who had severe health issues. He was found in the woods abandoned by his mom and brought to the rescue group where I fell in love with him. It was hard to resist him - he was the sweetest and most loving kitten. Everyone at the vet loved him. He ended up needing surgery for a hiatal hernia - he was constantly throwing up and would not have survived without this surgery. He made it through surgery at only 4 months old. Twice a day he needed medicine until he was finally able to wean off it when he was one year old.

He was extremely attached to me and became aggressive to others - I'm still not sure why. But he was so devoted to me - if I was somewhere else in the house he would cry until he found me. He followed me everywhere and kept me company, greeting me when I came home by jumping up with his front paws on my leg. He slept with me, pawing at the covers to get under to curl up next to me with his head on the pillow. There are so many more things to say about him. He made me laugh, kept me from being lonely, was just so adorable. I felt so protective of him -- maybe because I nursed him to health and he was so attached to me.

I felt so much guilt this past week that I couldn't save him and that I didn't take him in sooner -- I didn't know. And so sad that he was in emergency with strangers -- he was so scared until I showed up. Now that he's gone, I still worry about him. I dreamt about him trying to find me and I worry that he's all alone. This house is so empty without him. I still have my other kitty Max, but it's not the same. And I worry about Max being alone now. My life for the last week has been at a stand still. I don't want to be at home because it's so hard, yet I don't want to leave Max alone for too long.

I am having a better day today, but I know the waves of overwhelming sadness will come back -- especially the more time I'm at home alone without him. I'm trying to deal with the guilt of not taking him in sooner. It's so hard when you feel like you've betrayed them.

Wendy

[moon_beam]

Hi, wendy, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you and your precious Max are doing, and for the WONDERFUL picture of you and your beloved Clouseau. What a sweet little face!!!

"It's hard to be here -- I would spend my time staying at friends and family if not for him. I do need to get used to being here without Clouseau even though I really don't want to be here. It feels so empty and strange and not like my home anymore." "The house is so empty and I can't stand to be here. Clouseau brought so much life and laughter to my home."

Scientific studies prove that every living being has an "energy". When this individual energy is no longer physically present in the group - - for whatever reason - - there is a feeling of loss. The group - - you and your precious Max - - are now having to re-define your routines within the new "energy" group. Even the structure of the house feels the loss - - it feels as though the house structure itself is mourning - - be it an individual dwelling, an apartment, a tent, a cardboard box - - WHATEVER the structure - - it knows one of it's members is no longer physically present. It just takes time for this "energy" adjustment to happen.

"I don't even want to clean because it's too sad and I have no motivation."

Wendy, what you are feeling is very, very normal in this grief journey. Grieving literally takes all of our energy away because our hearts are so filled with deep sorrow. You and Max are literally in a "survival" situation right now, so it is best for you to not force yourself to "do" things that you are not feeling up to doing. You have enough stress to deal with - - your new job and the physical absence of your beloved Clouseau. You and Max need whatever time you have together to just be there for each other. You will feel like you are functioning in what I call "automatic pilot" - - bills will get paid, groceries bought, errands done, etc.. You don't need any additional stress on you and Max for awhile.

"I am not a spiritual/religious person, so I don't know what I believe -- but I'd like to believe they are all there safe and happy and healthy and we'll see them all some day."

Wendy, please believe me when I say that when it comes to a life-changing crisis - - and losing the physical presence of your precious Clouseau IS a life-changing crisis - - even those who profess a strong spiritual faith can find their faith sorely tested during the deep grief. What I share with you, and our fellow forum friends, is what I have personally learned in my earthly journey. I have been scoffed at by many various established religious denominations when I have shared my beliefs. I have been called many hateful names by ordained ministers because of my beliefs. I no longer belong to any structured religious denomination because of this. I assure you with all my heart that you WILL be reunited with your beloved Clouseau when it is your appropriate time to join him in eternal joy. And he WILL BE waiting for you with great anticipation to escort you into heaven's perfect garden. As the saying (used to) goes, "you can take this to the bank." (although we may need to come up with a new saying with all the banks going into foreclosures and the stock market insecurity.)

You did the very best by your precious Clouseau. You gave him the one thing he desperately needed -- a LOVING HEART AND HOME - - and he is FOREVER grateful to you for this. Please know his love for you IS ETERNAL - - he is FOREVER a part of you, Wendy - - he is ALWAYS AND FOREVER a heartbeat close to you.

Wendy, I hope today is being kind to you and your precious Max. This grief journey can only be traveled one day at a time, but you are NEVER ALONE in your journey. Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Clouseau with us. Please know you and your precious Max are in my thoughts and prayers, and am looking forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessing,
moon_beam