I Will Always Love You, Princess Cinderella., Thank goodness I emailed this to someone... Options

[raerae777]

This is going to be very difficult for me to type, but I need to get it out so please bear with me.

Cinder's condition went down very rapidly last night. Everything seemed fine and I was content and peaceful and then she threw up around 10:30. I stayed up with her all night by her side as she continued to be sick throughout the night. I knew in my heart it was time. I cleaned up after her and told her it was okay, she seemed so ashamed (she never did mess in the house), I told her it was not her fault.

I fought with the decision to take her to the emergency 24 hour vet, but my mother talked me out of it and I'm glad she did. I didn't want a stranger putting her to sleep, although I would have allowed it if necessary. I talked with her a lot over the course of the night/morning. I told her it was okay to let go, that I would always love her, how much happiness and joy she had brought me and what a great, amazing, wonderful dog she was. I told her soon she would be able to see again and run wild and free. Her sugar dropped out around 5 am and I had to rub Karo syrup on her gums, but I finally got it back stable. She rested peacefully from about 6 am to 8:30 am, then started getting sick again. Dad spent all morning preparing her a spot by the edge of our woods. I wanted her vet to come to the house, but unfortunately it just didn't work out that way. His schedule left his only free time after work today so I made the decision to take her in to his office.

We gathered her favorite doggy blanket and a pink towel and sat her in the back of my dad's Bronco, the same truck my first dog, Lady, passed in. I rode in the backseat and talked to her the whole way. She didn't shake and tremble as she normally did on the way to the vet. Her wonderful vet came outside to the truck, we didn't even have to get out. I stroked and held her head as her precious life ended. My mother was also petting her. My dad couldn't watch. She went very peacefully. The moment she stopped breathing, I felt like my heart had been ripped out, my vision blurred with tears and I could not speak. Our vet told us this wasn't supposed to be easy and it's okay to be sad, that's how we know how much we love her. He told me not to have any second guesses because he agreed that it was time. He gave me a hug and said he loved us. I thanked him (best I could) and stroked Cinder's soft fur all the way home.

We drove her out to the woods and said our last goodbyes. My mom sobbed into her fur then walked back to the house to get some of her toys. I laid with her and told her she was finally home for good. I told her I hope she was already running and playing. My dad brought her favorite torn up football. We picked her up and laid her to rest. She looked at peace and is surrounded by her favorite toys: her football, tennis ball, green rope (her first toy as a puppy), and her red rubber chew toy. I kissed her on the cheek and told her, "I love you, Princess." My dad covered her up, his own therapy, we left him alone so he could finally cry over her. I thanked him for working so hard to give her a good spot. It is the most peaceful spot. In a grove of trees, shady, breezy, no noise but the wildlife around. We are planning on getting a bench to put in the grove of trees with Lady's and Cinder's names on it.

I walked back to the house sobbing and went straight to her doggy bed and curled in it. I could smell her and see her black hairs all over it. Everything in the house reminds me of her: the ledge in the kitchen window she scratched up as a puppy, the spot in the dining room she used to lay as we cooked supper, the rug in my floor she loved to sleep on, her food bowls, her brush and shampoo laying on a ledge outside, her plethora of food and treats in the laundry room, and so much more.

Her life played before my eyes last night, from the day I brought her home as a tiny puppy up to her last days. We grew up together. She was there during middle school, junior high, high school, college and a year after college. She was my best friend and confidant, she knew everything about me and still loved me. She never judged and always offered a shoulder (or belly) to cry on. She got me through many rough times. She loved me, an imperfect human being, perfectly. I told her last night I don't know what I did to deserve her, but I'm so blessed to have experienced this kind of love. She truly has a piece of my soul with her, and I a piece of hers. I know now that she is free and running with all the other angelic creatures. She is so beautiful.

I never imagined it would be this hard to let go. We love so hard and it makes it so painful. I ache all over for her. I swear I can hear her in the house. I just want to run to her and bury my face in her hair and feel her kiss on my cheek, but I can't. I am sharing Cinder's last picture again. I absolutely love it and I am so thankful my dad was able to capture this peaceful moment of us together.

Thank you all for reading this, I will get through it, but I will need help and time. I want to especially thank Kristina for talking me through some hard times last night, I was so glad to have her to talk to and she gave me some comfort when I needed it most, so thank you. I told Cinder to look for Dixie and tell her that her mama loves her very much.

I love you Cinder, always will. You were the sweetest girl there ever was.

Cinder's Mama

[Gretta's Mom]

Hello RaeRae

Follow your heart! Do NOT feel guilty about choosing the Weimareiner (sp?) puppies instead of a rescue dog! I know that probably flies in the faces of many people, especially animal lovers. I think it's a matter of the heart. When that rush of love comes over you it's not an accident ... it means something. Of course we dog lovers can love any dog ... but somehow I trust that totally irrational feeling you get in your heart over one particular dog. That's how I came to have Rufus after my Gretta passed. Gretta is the first dog I have had as an adult - she is truly my spirit double. After all that emptiness, all that love with nowhere to put it, like many others I looked on the web site of the rescue agency from which I'd adopted Gretta. Here was Rufus ... his eyes were incredible ... they looked at you right out of the picture. But I'm only a couple of years from a fixed income (as they say) and vet bills being what they are, I was looking for an older dog (Rufus's write-up said he was a 7 year old black lab weighing about 90 pounds). So I tried another local site and they had an 'emergency dog' - a nine-year old Chessie-Chocolate lab mix (so they said). i thought that would be perfect - Gretta was a chocolate lab and my other 'best dog' was a Chessie who lived next door to my dad. Everything seemed right. Until I met the dog. No lab blood that I could see. I think she was a chessie and some kind of large terrier. Stong, a puller - but I can cope with that. But ... she attacked the store owner's mild mannered boxer and earlier that day had been unable to be placed in an foster home b/c she'd done the same thing to the foster's 11-year-old lab! (WHO cannot get along with a lab, particularly an elderly one!). It wasn't a "match". I felt I couldn't guarantee my own safety let alone the safety of others around me with this dog.

Back I went to the first site and here was Rufus, staring out at me still. Something in me snapped (in a good way) and I just had to have him. Because I'm known to the agency, I didn't have to go through the usual rigmarole of qualifying .... I practically begged the head of the agency to NOT let Rufus get adopted the following Saturday at an adoption event. Rufus lived in Wisconsin (I'm in MN) so the foster mom and I arranged a time to meet and I could take Rufus home. Big surprise! He's part Newfie (says my vet) and could knock off a few pounds at 102#!! He has the hugest ears and paws I've even seen. Even though he has some pretty meaningful neurological problems (giving him shaky legs), I knew he was the one for me. A boy dog is SO different from a girl dog and it's taken me some getting attuned to ... but I know we're meant to be together. Rufus is psychic about one and only one thing: when I'm crying at the computer (usually when I'm on Lightning Strike) he'll awaken even out of a sound sleep and come lumbering over and stick his (rather large) nose between me and the table and do the snuffing-and-snorting routine. If I don't give up, he gives one or two big, deep barks - not exactly welcomed in an urban fourplex!

I know the decision to get another dog will be a family decision for you and I know you'll make the absolute right one. Whatever you do WILL be the right path to take. Cinder is constantly present in, among others, the form of black butterflies. (I didn't even know there WAS such a thing - it's definitely Ms. Cinderella hovering about - same as she did when she was in this mortal world. As my vet (the ultimate man of science) said about Gretta, "She's in a safe place now." Those words, coming from that person, blew me away and continue to do so. Cinder, too, is in a safe place now - waiting, playing, wondering, guiding you on the right paths and ,most importantly, loving you and being loved by you. Love is forever - in both directions. You WILL be reunited. This I KNOW!

In peace and love,

Gretta's mom