My Sweet Dixie Options

[Kristina]

I have started and deleted this post more times than I can count. Mostly because I don't know what to say or how to say it but I am going to try again because I am suffering big time.

Last Thursday 6/30 my husband and I had to put our 10 year old Black Labrador Dixie down. It all started the Friday before so please bear with me while I tell our story.

Friday morning I noticed she hadn't eaten all of her food which is unusual but did happen sometimes so I figured she would eat all of her dinner. She was a diabetic so along with getting insulin injections twice a day I monitored her food intake and her output like a hawk. Friday night rolls around and she wanted nothing to do with her food. This was highly unusual because she being a lab she loved her food. I figured her tummy might have been upset or something so I left the bowl out overnight to see if she would eat later.

Saturday morning I got up and went right to her food dish. Last nights food was still there untouched. So I got her a fresh serving and gave it to her. Not interested. At this point I was pretty concerned, so I got a can of food out and tried that instead of her dry/can mixture. Again she didn't want it so I left it until dinnertime. Same routine and the same not eating again. This time I cooked up some hamburger and rice and she ate that pretty good so I felt a bit better.

Sunday came and it was a battle again. She didn't want anything for breakfast or dinner. By this point I was a mess because I knew something was really wrong with her. My husband and I both stayed up all night Sunday with her waiting for her doctors office to open Monday morning. I was terrified that we were about to lose her. I called around 7:45 and spoke to one of the techs and asked if I could bring her in as soon as doc got there. They moved his first appointment back and I think they actually called him in early for us because we got there a little after 8:30 and he was already there when he usually doesn't get in til 9.

He ended up keeping her for the day to do a series of tests and xrays because her stomach was as hard as a rock. I called several times throughout the day to check on her and see if we could come get her and finally around 3 they said we could come back and get her and doc wanted to talk to us.

Her xrays showed a huge mass in her chest and abdomen. Her vertebrae in her spine had started to fuse together and all of her organs were being pushed out of their proper place by this huge mass. To this day we still aren't sure if it was cancerous or not because she didn't make it long enough for us to find out.

Anyway we were able to take her home but he warned us that she probably wouldn't make it much longer, maybe 6 months and that was really pushing it. So we got her home and she ate two bowls of chicken and rice and all seemed well.

The next day we took her outside and I noticed that her back legs were shaking very badly when she was going potty. She walked around for a bit then squatted to go #2 and about halfway through her going her legs just seemed to give out. She tried to make it back to the door to go inside but she just sort of laid down and didn't want to move. We got her up about 10 minutes later and she seemed ok for the rest of the day.

Pretty much the same thing happened on Wednesday day. Then Wednesday night I noticed she started breathing funny. Once again I was up with her all night and I just knew something bad was happening. Her eyes which always had a happy look to them looked very sad, and she didn't want to go outside at all.

My husband and I had to go Thursday morning to get our license plate renewed on our car and as we were driving back home I just got this feeling in my heart and gut that she was ready to go. We got home and she was still in the same condition that she was in 45 minutes ago when we had left.

I put a call in to her doc and we just sat around with her waiting for him to call back. He finally called around 11 and I told him what was going on. He said she probably was ready and if we felt it too we should probably bring her in. He told me to make the arrangements that I needed to make for her and call him back. (this all sounds harsh but in reality it wasn't. Her doc is the most compassionate vet I have ever known and we have a long history with him.)

My husband called the doggy funeral parlor to make arrangements for them to meet us, and I called doc back. He said to bring her in at 2. So we had a few hours left with her. We took her out and she didn't make it 10 steps before she just laid down. So the 3 of us sat outside for quite some time until it was time to leave.

We got to the office and were taken back right away. The woman that was going to take care of her afterwards came in to meet with us, and then it was time. We sat on the floor with her talking to her, telling her how much we loved her and what a great dog she had been. And how much we were going to miss her, that it was ok for her to let go and we would be fine.

It went exactly the way I had hoped. It was very peaceful and we got to be with her. Once doc checked her and told us she was gone they gave us all the time we needed with her, and I just laid on the floor with her crying into her fur and hugging her body.

Eventually my husband told them we were ready, they came in and got her and gave me her collar. I walked out with her and gave her last kisses, and then my girl was gone.

We got her cremains back less than 24 hours after we lost her and that was probably the biggest comfort. The people that took care of her were amazing, and so compassionate. I am devastated that we had to let our girl go but they made it a bit more bearable.

I am sorry this is so long but typing out the whole thing brings me some comfort. People say that she was lucky to have us, but in reality we were the lucky ones to have had her for 10 wonderful years. We are lucky that we had her to love and to have her unconditionally return that love to us. I miss her so much.

Thank you for reading. I am trying my hardest to get through this but the loss of our Dixie has almost crippled me.

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[moon_beam]

Hi, Kristina, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Dixie. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can be released from their failing physical bodies and restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Kristina, what you are feeling about being "locked in time" is normal. It never ceases to amaze me how "life goes on" without missing a beat - - bills get paid, jobs get done, chores get done, etc., and so forth - - it's like we're on what I call "automatic pilot." We're going through the motions but it's like we are "detached" from the events. And this is because our hearts are in deep grief - - nothing matters -- and how could it for we have just lost the physical presence of the most integral part of our hearts and lives - - our beloved companion. What else could possibly have any meaning?

This grief journey is one of "adjustment" to the physical absence of our beloved companion, and it is a very painful journey - -both emotionally and physically. It can only be traveled one day at a time - - sometimes one moment at a time. One of the many things to remember is that you are not alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Another very important thing for you to remember is that the love bond you share with your precious Dixie is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. She continues to share your earthly journey just as she always and always will - -she is always a heartbeat close to you.

Kristina, I know right now there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe your breaking heart, but I hope in some way the words I have shared with you will bring you some comfort, encouragement, and hope. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam