New Here...and Very Heart-broken, My Abby Options

[Abby's Mom]

Hello everyone,

My name is Caroline and I live in Ohio. Last Wednesday I lost my beloved jack russell/rat terrier Abby. She died naturally (though she did have cushings and liver disease) and I was with her, holding her and loving on her when she took her last breath. It was gut-wrenching.

Abby was 16 1/2 years old and I'd had her since she was about 8 weeks old. I actually got her for my mom, the day after my dad's funeral. I thought a new pet would be good for my mom but it turned out it was the last thing she wanted. So I took Abby with me, as I fell immediately head over heels in love with her. It was soooo easy-

Soon I found out that Abby had been born on my dad's birthday and that made her even more special than she already was. I truly believe she was the biggest part of what helped me get through that time. As an only child, I was and am very close to my parents.

Anyway, now that my precious little girl is gone, I am drowning in grief. I go through the motions, going to work, making dinner, watching TV, etc. but I cannot shake this incredible sense of loss and feel as though a part of my heart is missing. There are times when it physically hurts.

I am single and live alone and I recently discovered that I am in a demographic that experiences a loss of this nature in the most profound way. Thankfully, I have 2 cats who I have never been more grateful for, however it is completely not the same and I see my little girl all over the house. Last night, I could have sworn I heard her little nails tapping across my hardwood floors.

I talk to her urn and have been innundating myself with photos of her but I can't help but feel as though I am going nuts. Am I suppose to feel this way? Is this normal?

How on earth will I ever feel joy again? It seems rather impossible at the moment. And even when/if I do, I fear that I will also feel guilty, as though I am betraying her memory.

I've been online looking for outlets to help with my loss and I found your site.

Does anyone have some words of wisdom for me? I keep praying that time will heal and part of me does believe that. I just keep waiting for "time" to kick in-

Thanks for listening-
-Abby's Mom

[Abby's Mom]

Today is 2 months since I lost my precious Abby Doodle. She has been in my thoughts constantly today and I can't seem to stop looking at the wallpaper photo of her on my phone, among all the other photos I have of her. I talked to my mom about her tonight and was fighting back tears remembering old times and how July 4th was HER holiday. She LOVED fireworks and thought they were big, loud toys. I really had to watch her this time of year. She'd take off in the general direction of any kaboom she heard-

On Friday night I went to my city's big fireworks extravaganza and had a great spot in which to view the display. There were a couple of times where I could have sworn the smoke faded into a little doggie form telling me that my sweet girl was with the angels, enjoying her beloved fireworks from on high (I know that I allowed my imagination to run a little wild but it gave me some small comfort).

My new baby, Bailey, has been a tremendous source of comfort and is helping me get through or get on with my earthly journey without Abby but today is especially difficult.

Just wanted to share and to say once again, I love you my sweet, sweet girl. Abby Doodle, mama loves you to the moon and back and always will. I miss you baby and I hope you are at peace. Mama is doing her best to exist on this earth without you but it's really, really hard. I long for the day when we are together again. I'm sure we'll have lots to catch up on- Rest well my girl. I will remember you always.

Mom