Vincent, Went to Rainbow Bridge Options

[bebe]

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I just found out about this website from a friend. I lost my Cairn Terrier of 16.5 years in August. We had to put him to sleep. My husband and I were there with him when he drew his last breath and I haven't been the same since. The grief I have felt from this is awful. I thought I was getting better, so I decided to adopt two cairn puppies from Col Potter Rescue. The first mistake was two, the second was I was not ready for them. We got them on 12/4/04 and by that Monday, I was having a total emotional breakdown. I couldn't do it, I wasn't ready, so I informed them we would be returning one of the puppies and my son would adopt the other. I don't know if I will ever want another dog. My Vince was my baby. We spent everyday together. I got up with him in the middle of the night the last few months of his life, and sometimes I was a little short with him out of fear, that I knew the end was nearing and I didn't want to accept that. I still feel guilty for putting him to sleep. Maybe we should have explored more options, maybe it wasn't time, why did I do it and I want him back and then I remember the life was gone from him. No tail wagging, no glad to see us. I want him back and healthy and I know that is stupid and isn't going to happen and that I need to accept what had to be done. I do, but when will the hurt and pain go away and this awful feeling of despair. We had him cremated and he is sitting on the entertainment center with a picture and angel. I sleep with his pictures under my pillow. I miss him so much. Am I a little crazy here????

[zoeysdad]

Hi Bebe,

No, you're not crazy. Vincent was a huge part of your life for 16.5 years...I think you'd be crazy if you weren't feeling the way you do. It's been almost four months since I lost my little buddy and the pain is still with me and I guess it always will be to some degree.

I very sorry for your loss. We would all love to have our pets back, but only if they are happy, healthy, and young again. Only other pet-lovers can understand how much it hurts when we have to give them up.

From reading the many posts since I came here to LS, I've learned it doesn't really matter how the pet died....all of us try to find a way to blame ourselves for its death. We just can't seem to accept the fact that we've lost them after years of protecting them and caring for their every need. We must learn to let go, but we all know that's much easier said than done.

Please know I understand and share your pain. You're not alone. Come here and talk with us as much as you need to. It really helps to express your feelings to others who understand and care.

__Jim