New Here...and Very Heart-broken, My Abby Options

[Abby's Mom]

Hello everyone,

My name is Caroline and I live in Ohio. Last Wednesday I lost my beloved jack russell/rat terrier Abby. She died naturally (though she did have cushings and liver disease) and I was with her, holding her and loving on her when she took her last breath. It was gut-wrenching.

Abby was 16 1/2 years old and I'd had her since she was about 8 weeks old. I actually got her for my mom, the day after my dad's funeral. I thought a new pet would be good for my mom but it turned out it was the last thing she wanted. So I took Abby with me, as I fell immediately head over heels in love with her. It was soooo easy-

Soon I found out that Abby had been born on my dad's birthday and that made her even more special than she already was. I truly believe she was the biggest part of what helped me get through that time. As an only child, I was and am very close to my parents.

Anyway, now that my precious little girl is gone, I am drowning in grief. I go through the motions, going to work, making dinner, watching TV, etc. but I cannot shake this incredible sense of loss and feel as though a part of my heart is missing. There are times when it physically hurts.

I am single and live alone and I recently discovered that I am in a demographic that experiences a loss of this nature in the most profound way. Thankfully, I have 2 cats who I have never been more grateful for, however it is completely not the same and I see my little girl all over the house. Last night, I could have sworn I heard her little nails tapping across my hardwood floors.

I talk to her urn and have been innundating myself with photos of her but I can't help but feel as though I am going nuts. Am I suppose to feel this way? Is this normal?

How on earth will I ever feel joy again? It seems rather impossible at the moment. And even when/if I do, I fear that I will also feel guilty, as though I am betraying her memory.

I've been online looking for outlets to help with my loss and I found your site.

Does anyone have some words of wisdom for me? I keep praying that time will heal and part of me does believe that. I just keep waiting for "time" to kick in-

Thanks for listening-
-Abby's Mom

[Abby's Mom]

Today I finally decided to dismantle Abby's shrine. I haven't been compelled to light the red love candles in a couple of weeks. I don't even find myself talking to her urn everyday as I once did. Oh, I still talk to it...to her...but definitely not everyday.

So, this afternoon I retrieved Abby's bag from the hall closet. We always packed her bag when we went on car trips and we'd have her leash, food, snacks and toys in it. As I picked it up all I could think was that I was packing Abby's bag for the last time and I broke down in sobs as I did it.

Now her urn and paw prints reside on my mantle. The urn has her picture on the front so it's like she's always here with me while I'm hanging out in the living room, just as she always was during her earthly journey.

I know that my new baby, Bailey, gave me the strength to do this today. Had I not found that little bundle of sweetness, who knows how long I would have paid homage to Abby's shrine and I would have remained in the deep grief stage inevitably. And for that I am grateful but I have to tell you, what I did today was HARD. I felt like I was putting Abby away and I've had to really convice myself that it was only her things that I put away today. She will always be with me, no matter where I go.

Oh how I can't wait to see that sweet baby again. I miss her so very much and yes it still hurts like the devil.

Abby Doodle, mama loves you to the moon and back and always will. Rest in peace my precious, beautiful little girl.

Abby's and now Bailey's mom