Almost A Month, Missing my baby Zoe Options

[Erin]

It's been almost a month since my baby died, and I can't shake the guilt and regrets, and not knowing what happened to her eats at me every single day. The nights are scary and the house seems empty, it even smells different. I keep wondering what her last thoughts were. Was she scared because she was dying? Was she sad because it was too soon? Did she know what was happening? My purpose in life was to take care of her and I failed. I wasn't even there when she died. I was asleep. I should have felt her die but I didn't. I feel like I have no reason to keep living and everything I believed about what happens after we die I'm questioning. What if we never reunite? What if there is no purpose to our lives at all. I miss my little girl so much. I miss her soft floppy ears and her little white chin. I miss how she was always there when I was upset. I've never felt so alone in my whole life. All I think about is dying so I can see her again, but then I wonder if I'll even find her or if we all just evaporate.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Erin, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. This grief journey is a very painful adjustment journey. It is a one day at a time journey, and during the deep grief, a minute at a time journey. Unfortunately the only way this seering pain in your heart can ease is to allow yourself the gift to grieve the physical loss of your precious Zoe.

Gretta has given you some very comforting words, and I hope you will read them often.

Erin, I do understand the depths of despair. Despair leads to feelings of hopelessness, and hopelessness can lead to feelings of despondency which can lead to paths which under different circumstances we thought would never enter our minds. Grieving can cause physical chemical imbalances in our brains which may require temporary medicinal intervention under the supervision of a physician. If you are concerned about how you are feeling then it is very wise of you to talk to your doctor. Many years ago for different traumatic and tragic circumstances I needed professional counseling and temporary medicinal treatment. This is NOT a negative reflection on you, Erin -- it is NOT a sign of a lack of endurance or lack of self-will to "handle" things. It isn't even a sign of a lack of faith. Grieving a loss of a beloved companion can sorely challenge the faith / beliefs of one who professes to be a stalwart believer in whatever their beliefs are. So what you are going through, Erin, is very normal. But you must also take care of yourself - - both physically and emotionally, and please know we are here for you - - you are NEVER alone, Erin. Sometimes it takes a "leap of faith" in times of great turmoil for us to grow - - to discover new dimensions of looking at things. Our beloved companions broadened our "horizons" when they joined us in our hearts and homes, and they continue to help us discover "new dimensions" when they precede us to the angels. This side of eternity is a constant journey of "growth" - - physical, emotional, and - - spiritual. Unfortunately sometimes this growth process is very painful - - as evidenced in the grief journey when we lose the precious physical presence of our beloved companions. Our beloved companions do not want us to become so entrenched in "what used to be" that we forfeit the wonder and beauty of "what is and can be and hope for."

So don't be afraid to make friends with the new fur family member. Perhaps you may not believe this right now, but perhaps your precious Zoe helped to guide this new puppy to you for comfort. Please believe me, Erin, NO new companion will ever "replace" your precious Zoe. Zoe will ALWAYS and FOREVER have her own special place in your heart and life. It really is okay to smile again, Erin, for this is what your precious Zoe wants for you.

Erin, I hope what I have shared with you will bring you some comfort and encouragement. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Erin, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam