My Zoe Options

[Erin]

My name is Erin. I'm 24 years old. I live in Clarks Summit, PA, and I just lost my baby pup, Zoe. She was going to be 8 years old on May 19, we shared a birthday.

Last month she got very sick. I remember the day, I woke up and went into the kitchen. She was on the couch and I heard her get up so I went to give her a hug and kiss. She was in the corner breathing really hard. I thought she was gonna throw up but she didn't. I got her to go outside to get some air and she seemed to be doing a little better. She was outside again when I was leaving for work, I gave her a hug and kiss and turned to go to my car, when I got this overwhelming feeling of panic. I turned around to look at her, and thought to myself, what if this is the last time I see her? I went back over and gave her more hugs and kisses and told her I loved her. That night my family took her to the hospital because she was so sick. The doctor couldn't find anything seriously wrong with her so we thought maybe she just ate something bad.

On Friday, May 13 I came home from work and my mom told me that my best girl wasn't feeling so well, we shrugged it off as her eating something bad again (she was always hanging out near the trash cans) I went out that night and bought her new toys.

The next morning I woke up to my mom coming in my room crying saying she was gone. They took her to the hospital again that morning because she wouldn't get up, my mom and dad had no idea, they thought she was just dehydrated, they left the room to wait in the lobby and the doctor came back and said she was in really bad shape and that they should think about options. Then I guess a nurse came out and said "you need to come quick", by the time they got back to her she was already gone.

My Zoe was the light of my life, my entire reason for existence. The doctor said she just had a weak heart. I've never felt so broken and sad in my whole life. My family's already ok. They got a puppy because my other dog, Guinness, has never been in the house alone and he really needs someone to play with. He loved his big sister and I worry about him a lot.

I'm finding it hard to be close to the puppy.

Zoe was my soulmate, I loved nothing and no one more than I loved her. I should have known there was something wrong.

My family thinks I'm ok. My boyfriend doesn't know what to say to me. My best friend who has been a huge help lives in Massachusetts.

I just really need someone to talk to. I miss my girl so much.

I find myself hoping I'll die soon so I can be with her.

[Bobbie]

Dear Erin,

I am sorry that I haven't been on the site for awhile. Being pulled in about 1,000 directions at once. But there hasn't been a day that you haven't been in my thoughts and prayers. Zoe, too.

I hope that time has begun to work it's healing work with you, even if it's just a bit. I am thankful that you posted pictures of Zoe. I can see what a happy girl she is in them. She exudes love. I can also see why you miss her so much. What a doll! I think your setting aside a special place to honor her is a terrific idea. I have pictures of my boys all around the house and, because they are buried in a pet cemetery, I decorate each grave all year 'round. And talk??? I talk to every one of them, all the time. When I am here with Trevor, I jabber constantly. In fact, I do it so much, that I'm starting to do it out in public! But that's OK, too because people just think I'm a crazy ol' lady, which suits me fine.

Please don't worry about "feeling" Zoe or her spirit. I have only felt one of my boys' presence one time and that was it. I was sleeping and shen I turned over I felt the weight of his body next to my curled legs. Of course, I woke up and nothing physical was there, but..... That was the only time and i've had dogs for over 30 years. I am so glad that others feel a spirit presence with their companions. But I don't think it is absolutely necessary for the healing process to continue. My first loss was the absolute hardest. But then each subsequent loss was just as difficult and crushing. The only difference was my knowledge that a) I would survive the piercing sadness; the pain would gradually evolve into a peaceful thankfulness for having had my boy(s) in my life; c) many, many people truly understand your loss; d) nothing else matters.

You are a wonderful young woman. You have the stength to build the legacy that is Zoe. Many, many of us support you constantly and look forward to learning more about your amazing Zoe!

Blessings.....................
Bobbie