New Here...and Very Heart-broken, My Abby Options

[Abby's Mom]

Hello everyone,

My name is Caroline and I live in Ohio. Last Wednesday I lost my beloved jack russell/rat terrier Abby. She died naturally (though she did have cushings and liver disease) and I was with her, holding her and loving on her when she took her last breath. It was gut-wrenching.

Abby was 16 1/2 years old and I'd had her since she was about 8 weeks old. I actually got her for my mom, the day after my dad's funeral. I thought a new pet would be good for my mom but it turned out it was the last thing she wanted. So I took Abby with me, as I fell immediately head over heels in love with her. It was soooo easy-

Soon I found out that Abby had been born on my dad's birthday and that made her even more special than she already was. I truly believe she was the biggest part of what helped me get through that time. As an only child, I was and am very close to my parents.

Anyway, now that my precious little girl is gone, I am drowning in grief. I go through the motions, going to work, making dinner, watching TV, etc. but I cannot shake this incredible sense of loss and feel as though a part of my heart is missing. There are times when it physically hurts.

I am single and live alone and I recently discovered that I am in a demographic that experiences a loss of this nature in the most profound way. Thankfully, I have 2 cats who I have never been more grateful for, however it is completely not the same and I see my little girl all over the house. Last night, I could have sworn I heard her little nails tapping across my hardwood floors.

I talk to her urn and have been innundating myself with photos of her but I can't help but feel as though I am going nuts. Am I suppose to feel this way? Is this normal?

How on earth will I ever feel joy again? It seems rather impossible at the moment. And even when/if I do, I fear that I will also feel guilty, as though I am betraying her memory.

I've been online looking for outlets to help with my loss and I found your site.

Does anyone have some words of wisdom for me? I keep praying that time will heal and part of me does believe that. I just keep waiting for "time" to kick in-

Thanks for listening-
-Abby's Mom

[Gretta's Mom]

Oh Caroline, your posting brought so many tears to my eyes. You DO NOT have to give away, throw away, donate or in any other way EVER have to remove your Abby's things. I know I will NEVER, EVER part with anything that was Gretta's. When I pass over the rainbow bridge and people still back on this side have to clean out my things, they are going to be in for a real shock. I'll be the nutty but harmless eccentric about whom people will think "Guess she was worse off than we thought." Go right ahead. I'm keeping her two snowsuits that I velcroed together and made into a cuddly pillow the first night I was alone. I'm keeping the basket of toys that she never even touched (she was a senior dog when I got her - WAY past playtime!). I'm keeping her raincoat and her leashes and her collar ... no matter what. I still have her little shrine on my window seat - and I still pet her picture and tell her how much I miss her! Even if it's just you and me (which it's definitely NOT), let's not break our hearts again by thinking we HAVE to do something just because we think (or people tell us) that we have to or we "should be over it by now" or "move on" or some other total piece of nonsense. We are loved ... we love ... our one-and-only searched for us through the entire universe and found us and put him/herself in our paths and when we looked at each other the strongest bond possible formed instantly. We exchanged little pieces of our hearts, which will be with us forever. Love is forever - our love for them and even more, their love for us. When we're two halves of a single whole how can it be otherwise? Please don't add to your sadness by taking on opinions that people who've never experienced the miracle we have try to put into your mind. Any time or no time ... it's up to you. As for me, I'm going to spend my last night on earth sleeping on Gretta' dog bed - no matter what nursing home I'm in.

I hope my attempt at humor has strengthened your spirit just a tiny bit. Have a restful night and a good tomorrow.

Gretta's mom