My Heart Is Breaking Options

[my lovley sammy]

Hi everyone.
I am in england so I hope you wont mind me telling you my story
Yesterday I had my 10 year old beautiful collie/spaniel dog Sammy put to sleep. He came into my life 6 years ago when I was at my lowest ebb and saved me from doing something really stupid. My 18 dog had died at christmas, my husband left me out of the blue in the january and my 14 year old cavalier died in the may. The day after my cavalier passed away I seriously thought about killing myself. At 5am i was sat there when i felt as if i was surrounded by angels and pure love. They told me not be silly and something better was round the corner. The next day I dragged myself into work which was the last thing i felt like doing and at 10am i received a phone call from the local dog charity to say they had sammy in. I knew immediately that he was the dog that had been sent into my life for a reason. I loved my sammy with all my heart. He went everywhere with me. If I couldnt take sammy then i didnt go,. He came to work with me every day. My customers loved him and the children played with him . He was the most gentlist, well behaved, trustworthy dog i had ever known. I used to look into his arms when i was cuddling him and i felt pure unadultarated love for him. We had six wonderful years together and then 2 months ago he was poorly so i took him to my vet and he was diagnosed with diabetes. I worked with the vet and got him stablised with insulin and although he had lost a little weight he was gradually eating special food again. I used to look at him and think this is not the same dog , He had lost weight and he wasnt his usual playful self. The vet said i was doing a good job with him and we carried on.
On monday of this week i noticed he was very lethargic and was having trouble walking almost like he was drunk. He had diarrea and stopped eating. I rang the vet who unfortuanly was off sick and they said they would contact me after they had spoke to him..........i was told not to give sammy any insulin and to make sure he ate. The next day i came downstairs and all the food i gave him and been brought up. I put him in the car and took him to the vets and they said to give him his insulin and make sure he eats !!. I got back in my car and drove him to a larger vet practise up the road. He was admitted with a temp of 104 . They spent the day doing tests and discovered he had pancriatitis . They put him on a drip and yesterday they told me they did an ultrasound test and there was something wrong with his liver. They offered to do an op to see what was going on but the vet felt that he wouldnt pull through the op.
I held him in my arms telling him how much i loved him and thanked him for everything he had done for me and cried and cried and cried.
I havent stop crying since. I am so angry, guilty, sad, emotional and a mess. I hate being at home because everywhere i look i see him. I hated being at work today because again all i see is him. I am in so much pain that i am frightened that i will be like i was 6 years ago . I wasnt ready to let him go but i knew he was ready . He looked so ill those last few minutes . I feel as if i had let him down.
I am sorry to ramble on but i wanted you to know my story.
I didnt shed this many tears when my parents died . I am all alone again with no one. I have no family as sammy was my family.

[kaylasmom]

Hi Denise,

Congrats on your new family member! Wishing you and Pippa the very best.

Shelby (Kaylasmom)