I Lost My Best Friend And Baby Options

[Jaspersmommy]

Eight years ago after a devastating loss of my beloved pet "Fang" I called the number of a breeder in the city inquiring about a puppy. As I talked to the breeder she also told me about a 3 year old that she had as a stud. She said that this dog should be someone’s pet, he was so loving and gentle and craved attention. We took the hours drive with our then 4 year old Pomeranian, Buddy. When we got there we went into the room where she kept the dogs and looked at the cute puppies, but I asked to see the little dog she had earlier told me about. She walked over to the cages and opened the door to Jaspers cage. He was beautiful and I knew right then and there he was ours!!
On the drive home he sat on my lap and didn't move a muscle. When I tried to look at him or talked to him, he would look away quietly. Once we got him home we lavished him with love and attention and soon he learned what it was like to have a family and to be loved and he began to give his love too. Living three years in a cage he didn't know what it was like to be a pampered pooch.
He learned tricks, played with our other dog, ran and played and thrived in his new home. I always felt that he needed us but I knew I needed him too. Two years after he became a part of our family he started having seizures. After many months of meds we finally got them under control. Then during a routine blood test we found out that his thyroid was out of whack so more meds for him. Two years ago he developed a peri-&%^ tumor, (non cancerous) We were told in his condition he wouldn't survive surgery and if he did he would probably be incontinent. This didn't seem to bother him a bit. I think all of his medical problems made me love him even more. He was my baby and I protected him at all costs. Trust me, he gave me more than I ever gave him. My love for him was and is endless!
He loved playing with "buddy" and couldn't wait for daddy to get home for hours of endless scratching and petting. He loved to go camping, go "bye-bye" and loved the outdoors and the sunshine. He loved his bed and burrowing under pillows was a favorite pastime of Jaspers. Everyone loved him and he was the best natured Chihuahua there was. Every vet that ever saw him would say what nice dog he was, ( I guess they can be nasty) He had the most adorable tipped back ears you ever saw! He loved his treats and Mommy was bad about giving them to him because he loved them so much............He loved all his people and never had a bad day in his life until Friday morning when I went to get both of my dogs out of bed. Normally Jasper is the first one out the door and ready to start the day but he lagged behind and once we got to the door I knew there was something terribly wrong with my baby.
I took him to the emergency vet, laboring for breath. They did numerous tests and consulted with two other specialist and the verdict was that he had probable lung lesions (cancer) with secondary pneumonia. I spent all day with him Friday, cuddling him, telling him what a good boy he was and how much I loved him. I had to leave him there at the pet hospital in an oxygen box and IV's.
We went to see him that night. He seemed to be a bit better, we carried him out the the grass to potty, talked to him and gave him lots of kisses before they put him back in the box. He looked at me like "why Mommy are you putting me back here?"
I called yesterday morning and they said that we was doing a little better. They told me to call back at noon and when I did the Dr told me that they had consulted with yet another Dr and it was the same. We went to see him at 1:00. We had decided that we were going to give him at least one more day before making any decisions. When we got

there his condition had deteriorated. We took him out of the box and his gums were "bluish" he seemed to hardly recognize us. We took him out to the grassy area and he would only stand there, struggling for breath. I cried to my husband that I thought he was suffering, he agreed. We talked for a few minutes and some of the vet staff came over to help us, we told them we were thinking, that we should end his suffering, they agreed. Jasper gave it his all to wag his tail the littlest bit, it broke my heart!
We decided to send our baby to the rainbow bridge. They gave him a sedative and then administer the "shot" he was gone!!! We took him home. My husband made a beautiful box. We placed his bed in it, along with treats, covered him with a blanket and placed him in the garden in the sunniest spot where I can keep my eye on him. He SO loved the sun!
I miss my baby so bad and I know that this hurt will last forever. I wonder if I did the right thing for Jasper? Were the vets right? Maybe there was more that I could have done to save him? After all there was no biopsy, maybe it was just pneumonia and he would have gotten better? The vet told us that we were doing the "right thing" he said that he was suffering and I KNEW he was, but I still have that lingering regret. I would spend any amount of money for that dog, it wasn't about that, but I didn't want him to suffer either. I am struggling so badly with this. I loved that dog with all my heart and soul. I feel like I will never be the same without him. He got me through so many bad times, like losing my dad. I just hope I did the right thing. I hope I did everything I could have done. I know I gave him a good life and I loved him so very dearly. It's hard for me to see how he could be fine one day and not the next!!! I am struggling so hard with this and the fact that he is not here with me anymore!! I love you baby Jasper and Mommy will love you forever!

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[moon_beam]

Hi, Jaspersmommy, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Jasper. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can be released from their failing, painful physical bodies and be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Our dear forum friends Jan, LoveMyMickey, and Gretta have offered you the most comforting words that I could ever hope to say, so please read them frequently. I know right now there are no words in any language that can soothe the seering pain in your heart. Just please know you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are feeling and are going through, and we are here for you, with you, and beside you through every step of your grief journey for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your precious Jasper with us, and for the wonderful pictures of him. Hopefully in time as your deep grief eases your heart will "know" beyond all shadow of a doubt that you did the very best thing for your precious Jasper. "Second guessing" is a part of this grief journey, unfortunately - - particularly during the deep grief. It's part of the process of adjusting to the physical absence of our beloved companions, and it is a painful process both physically and emotionally. I assure you, Jaspersmommy, that your precious Jasper is eternally grateful to you for releasing him from his physical body so that his Living Spirit can now forever continue to be a part of your earthly journey - - for he is always with you wherever you go and whatever you do - - he is always a heartbeat close to you.

Jaspersmommy, I hope today is being kind to you, and that you will have a peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam