New Here...and Very Heart-broken, My Abby Options

[Abby's Mom]

Hello everyone,

My name is Caroline and I live in Ohio. Last Wednesday I lost my beloved jack russell/rat terrier Abby. She died naturally (though she did have cushings and liver disease) and I was with her, holding her and loving on her when she took her last breath. It was gut-wrenching.

Abby was 16 1/2 years old and I'd had her since she was about 8 weeks old. I actually got her for my mom, the day after my dad's funeral. I thought a new pet would be good for my mom but it turned out it was the last thing she wanted. So I took Abby with me, as I fell immediately head over heels in love with her. It was soooo easy-

Soon I found out that Abby had been born on my dad's birthday and that made her even more special than she already was. I truly believe she was the biggest part of what helped me get through that time. As an only child, I was and am very close to my parents.

Anyway, now that my precious little girl is gone, I am drowning in grief. I go through the motions, going to work, making dinner, watching TV, etc. but I cannot shake this incredible sense of loss and feel as though a part of my heart is missing. There are times when it physically hurts.

I am single and live alone and I recently discovered that I am in a demographic that experiences a loss of this nature in the most profound way. Thankfully, I have 2 cats who I have never been more grateful for, however it is completely not the same and I see my little girl all over the house. Last night, I could have sworn I heard her little nails tapping across my hardwood floors.

I talk to her urn and have been innundating myself with photos of her but I can't help but feel as though I am going nuts. Am I suppose to feel this way? Is this normal?

How on earth will I ever feel joy again? It seems rather impossible at the moment. And even when/if I do, I fear that I will also feel guilty, as though I am betraying her memory.

I've been online looking for outlets to help with my loss and I found your site.

Does anyone have some words of wisdom for me? I keep praying that time will heal and part of me does believe that. I just keep waiting for "time" to kick in-

Thanks for listening-
-Abby's Mom

[moon_beam]

Hi, Caroline, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. The first year of the loss of our beloved companion's physical presence is one of "firsts" - - each day is a "first without" in some way. But then come the BIG "firsts without" - - the first holiday, the first birthday, the first vacation, the first WHATEVER - - and it can seem like the further we "move along" in our earthly journey the worse our grief becomes. We find ourselves wondeirng, "How can this be - - it's been - - one month, 6 weeks, 3 months, - - since our beloved companion has joined the angels - - and we continue on our daily drone of this and that. How can this be?" One of the many difficult things to reconcile during this grief journey is that "life goes on WITHOUT" - - we continue to exist even when it feels like the light in our hearts is snuffed out.

I assure you, Caroline, that eventually the deep void that is in your heart will ease. Hopefully in time as your deep grief eases you will feel your precious Abby's sweet Living Spirit with you totally enjoying the cook outs just as she always has and always will. She is continuing to share your earthly journey for she is forever a part of you - - she is always a heartbeat close to you. I know it's not the same as being able to physically hold her in your arms, to feel the warmth of her physical body next to you. And this is one of the many things that makes this grief journey so very painful - - both emotionally and physically - - the adjustment to not having our companions' sweet physical bodies with us because we are still living in the physical oriented world. This adjustment takes time, Caroline, - - one day at a time healing time.

Thank you again so much for sharing with us how you're doing, Caroline. I hope today is being kind to you and that you will have a peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Caroline, and look forward to knowing how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam