Another Heartbroken One Options

[hol]

I just sit here and stare at the page. What do I say? I can tell you folks understand even that. I can't stop crying, my gut is so wrenched. My beautiful kitty, Mittens, got out apparenlty thorugh the cellar the night before last. We had a terrible thunderstorm that night. I didn't notice her missing until late morning yesterday. And now I'm just sick. We live in the country, surrounded by woods. Wet woods, though, and she didn't like to get her feet wet... She is an indoor cat but used to go out with me and follow me all around the yard, or a little ways into the woods. She loved to be outdoors with me, it was the cutest thing. She'd purr and rub on me, coming to sit on my lap every few minutes, if I was sitting... or just sit and watch me work.
I can't believe she is gone... we put up posters and have been walking and calling and talking to neighbors. I couldn't sleep, and once i thought I heard the coyotes and my insides just shriveled right up, and I kept dreaming awful things, people calling to tell me their dog ate her, and someone else had cooked her in a stew and wanted me to eat it...
I've been through pain before, my brohter-in-law was murdered 3 years ago, so I know the intensity will pass but I can hardly stand it. Everytime the realization passes through my mind, by gut and throat clench up. Part of me just wants to go on and on about how precious she was, but it hurts so much to think about her that specifically. She should be sitting here wiht me right now, on the chair across my shoulders, purring. I'd put my head back and rub her wiht the back of my head - she loved that. She loved me. She was my comforter, knowing when I was sad and coming to me with such love and purring. I know I"ll feel better someday, but right now it doesn't seem possible. We just moved to this house in Dec., our dream house, a log cabin with a fireplace.... and now I hate it. My poor husband - he left the doors open. I know he's dying inside too, and feels so guilty, it is hard to let him see my pain.
I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I have to work tomorrow, start of the summer semester - how can I do that? Thanks for listening. I'm at such a loss to pass each moment...
Sometimes I get a very wierd panicky feeling, too. I already have anxiety issues. I need my kitty.

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[moon_beam]

Hi, hol, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Mittens. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. And to have a beloved companion "disappear" is even more unsettling.

Hol, right now there are no words in any language that can begin to soothe the seering pain that is in your heart. The only thing I can offer you is my sincerest friendship in the hope that whatever words I write here will somehow bring comfort, encouragement, and hope to your shattered heart.

This grief journey is one of "adjustment" of continuing on with our lives without the physical presence of our beloved companion. It is a one day a time journey, sometimes a one moment at a time journey - - for in the deep grief we can find ourselves tossed all around in a tempest of emotions - - sometimes all at the same time. This grief journey is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride because our emotions are uncontrollable and unexpected at any given moment. There are so many ups and downs, twists and turns and turnarounds we can feel like we don't know which way is up.

Thank you so much for sharing with us about your precious Mittens. What a beautiful baby she is. Hopefully in time as your deep grief eases you will come to know that your precious Mittens' sweet Living Spirit is forever with you just as she always has been and always will be. But right now, hol, your heart must adjust to her physical absence, and this is both emotionally and physically painful.

I assure you, hol, that each of us here do understand what you are feeling and what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. You are among friends here, hol. We are here for you through every step of your journey.

And please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, hol, and I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam