My Zoe Options

[Erin]

My name is Erin. I'm 24 years old. I live in Clarks Summit, PA, and I just lost my baby pup, Zoe. She was going to be 8 years old on May 19, we shared a birthday.

Last month she got very sick. I remember the day, I woke up and went into the kitchen. She was on the couch and I heard her get up so I went to give her a hug and kiss. She was in the corner breathing really hard. I thought she was gonna throw up but she didn't. I got her to go outside to get some air and she seemed to be doing a little better. She was outside again when I was leaving for work, I gave her a hug and kiss and turned to go to my car, when I got this overwhelming feeling of panic. I turned around to look at her, and thought to myself, what if this is the last time I see her? I went back over and gave her more hugs and kisses and told her I loved her. That night my family took her to the hospital because she was so sick. The doctor couldn't find anything seriously wrong with her so we thought maybe she just ate something bad.

On Friday, May 13 I came home from work and my mom told me that my best girl wasn't feeling so well, we shrugged it off as her eating something bad again (she was always hanging out near the trash cans) I went out that night and bought her new toys.

The next morning I woke up to my mom coming in my room crying saying she was gone. They took her to the hospital again that morning because she wouldn't get up, my mom and dad had no idea, they thought she was just dehydrated, they left the room to wait in the lobby and the doctor came back and said she was in really bad shape and that they should think about options. Then I guess a nurse came out and said "you need to come quick", by the time they got back to her she was already gone.

My Zoe was the light of my life, my entire reason for existence. The doctor said she just had a weak heart. I've never felt so broken and sad in my whole life. My family's already ok. They got a puppy because my other dog, Guinness, has never been in the house alone and he really needs someone to play with. He loved his big sister and I worry about him a lot.

I'm finding it hard to be close to the puppy.

Zoe was my soulmate, I loved nothing and no one more than I loved her. I should have known there was something wrong.

My family thinks I'm ok. My boyfriend doesn't know what to say to me. My best friend who has been a huge help lives in Massachusetts.

I just really need someone to talk to. I miss my girl so much.

I find myself hoping I'll die soon so I can be with her.

[Bobbie]

Dear Erin,

Please accept my deepest sympathy on the loss of your wonderful Zoe. She sounds like she was the perfect dog and I am so sorry that she is now gone from you. If there is, ever, anything I can do to support you during this most awful of times, please let me know. I live in Maryland.

Erin, I understand how you are feeling. I am much older than you and have lost 7 dogs and 2 canaries. Each loss crushed my heart and tore at my soul - my boys were so precious to me. I now have a 13 year old rescue C-o-c-ker Spaniel who is very, very sick and isn't expected to make it much longer. I'm not looking forward to that day either.

Losing our best friend in the whole world is the hardest blow to us. As you said, Zoe was the light of your life and your reason for existing. You had a tremendous love for each other and a solid bond. I can tell you right now that the bond has NOT been broken. The bond has changed to a new form. While Zoe is no longer physically with you now, she is always and forever with you in spirit (form). Zoe's spirit (the unseen part that made her Zoe) is right next to you and may even be right in your heart. It will never leave you. Zoe (in spirit form) sees everything you do. She will be so happy when you are happy and sad when you are sad. She is there to help you, especially now, when you are suffering the most. Zoe misses you as much as you miss her.

Zoe is also in a very happy place now. Whatever you call it, I believe, in this place Zoe has NO pain, she is completely healed and is running and jumping around like a puppy. She can eat whatever and whenever she wants to. The temperature suits her fine. Things are good. She has met old and new friends. She is bragging about you to all of them. They are sharing stories. And she is patiently waiting for the day when you two will be together again. Time does not pass for her like it does on earth, so there is no hurry to get there. Zoe also knows how much you loved her. She has always known that.

Erin, all the pain and suffering you are experiencing is normal. You feel the hurt, sorrow and emptiness because you loved Zoe so very much. These feelings of grief are so normal and is part of the whole grieving process. Every person walks the path of grief in HER OWN WAY and IN HER OWN TIME. There are no "rules" for grieving. There is no set time limit. Even if everyone else appears to be OK, that does not mean you must feel that way also! You shared a lifetime with Zoe and you cannot simply give that/her up. And THAT is ok, too.
Feeling ambivalent to the new puppy is quite normal, too. You will never feel the way you did with Zoe with the new guy/girl. In time, you will establish your own relationship with the puppy. But right now you want/need to be with Zoe. Be there. for as long as you need or want to. And please don't think you need to "get over" Zoe. That would be impossible, I still remember my first dog (Nikki) when I was 10 years old. You will remember Zoe and all the things you two did and the love you had for each other.

Erin, all of this takes time (which seems impossible right now) and you should take all the time you need. Yes, we all have to continue our daily activities, but that doesn't mean you will be giving up Zoe. No way. You are a very brave and loving person. You will make it - that I know.

Please know that there are many wonderful people on this site. They will give you the support, understanding and (some) answers that you need. And I am here for you any time, day or night. I am not working so I get to my computer everal times a day. Feel free to write on this site any time. When you are ready, I would love to hear more about Zoe and the amazing dog she is.

You are contantly in my thoughts and prayers, Erin. Zoe is, too. Be good to yourself and get some rest.

Blessings................
Bobbie